If u know me well u will know I am not one to get to emotional in front of ppl or to let ppl get close to me. Im by far not a perfect person. I have done many wrongs. Im human. My mistakes is just as everyone elses maybe different but still its mistakes. Ive not told but two ppl my whole life story and how my heart feels and actually trusted them. Yesterday my heart was torn out by one of them. Ive fought with trying to save ppl from addiction since Ive known my name. Ive begged,cried and pleaded.... However I lost. Its a battle I cant fight anymore. I have children that cant suffer for someones addiction and that dont need to see wht I had to growing up and even now. Ive never been a addict so I will never understand. I know that my love is strong and still it doesnt give a want to with ppl. Ive lost ppl in my life I will never get back simply because it was their last choice. Or the choice of another. My heart is so heavy. I want to hurt someone so physically bad because my heart is so torn and always has been. I dont feel like anything I can do would ever let NOONE feel the pain Im feeling and have suffered. What hurts the most thou is Ive never won the fight when its my love verses a addict. Not even my own blood mothers. She had her problems which Im sure was hard to bare. But still I will go to my grave not understanding and holding in anger which I know I shouldnt. Yesterday or should I say this am I again feel like I gave up. I just dont know what more to do. I know Ive regretted ever leaving my mom for when I did months later she was gone. Id hate to face the same scenario again. My heart and my kids need no more pain thou. For once in my lifetime I want true happiness. To have normal. Wake up and have the whole family setting as many do that I see post all happy and complete. Truly it makes my heart happy for them. Then it makes me question my life. My mistakes and now the situation Im in. I do good as a single mother if I must toot my own horn. Im happy with my children and they are the only real love I know. We have all we want and more and I dont have to depend on ANYONE and never have. All at the same time I want what Ive never had. My own complete family. Someone to lift me up as I would them. Someone to love me and care for me as I do them. Someone good for me and my kids. Maybe one day. God please mend this broken heart and heal the ones in need that long for that high. Wake them up before its too late.
Posted on: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 03:14:38 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015