Im age 29 female been with my spouse for 10years ,his age 33 very funny ,sweet and charming and friendly ,we have a strong relation around people ,but when were behind. Closed doors his a very strange someone ,we have lovly kids together which we love ,we have had a very rocky relation his done his wrong but to him his wrong is not wrong ,Ive had to deal with women with no respect for me due to my guy whom kept door open for those to play in our court and disrespect me and still iv had to just let go and move on untill its done again ,listen no one likes being a idiot but I guess Ive played that for a very long time I lost trust in him cause his of continues foolish flirtatious ways ,well Ive tought myself to except it all and move forward ,his what I call a freelancer ,I dont feel I know who he really is he is sly and sneaky ,Im not if has other social network sites were he plays with women to fullfill his ego,but for one I kind feel he goes on blogs and leaves complains about me his curse never mind that I dont really care at this moment in time ,he has taken advantage of my love for him ,he treats me very ugly says harsh insulting things to me and in every small fight is turned into a big fight were as I am told he does not want me can I not see that ,yes ill cry and feel worthless and wish I was never born ,but the true fact is that I love him dearly he is the father of my kids I just have to live with it and say Im sorry even though Im not wrong ,Ive made mistakes done him wrong ,but true facts is I didnt do anything and I made it clear that I was married and this idiot just didnt get it but what I did has become this heavy trunk I have to carry cos when there is a fight I am a B***h because of what I did ,yes I admit to my wrong and begged forgiveness but still Im the worse women on earth ,I will never amount to his expectations I will never be women enough because of my up bringing when gets upset he can be such a devil ,but the other side is this kind person ,thing is has neglected me for a long time Ive seeked his attention made him see the wrong he doing ,he would promise change and see that he is not doing right and make sure he will do right ,but all he says is just said for that time and then his back to the guy that speaks when he needs me to do some thing for him ,I speak when spoken to I listen to him when he speaks And thats that ,we have come a long way together iv always fought for him ,and realized he never fought for me its me whom begged for his love back even though it was his foolishness Iv always had to except a simply sorry and promise it will never happen untill its done again And Blame falls on me ,Ive since reached a point were My heart has finally given up on him ,I do every thing to please him and keep him happy ,I try my best not to make upset because I hate the insult that gets thrown in my face ,even though I hurt I keep a smile to keep me going because of our kids ,I love him in a different sense of love ,the love I once held for him has since died and I cant get it back this time round I feel much stronger and dont really care what he say to get me down I am just here to take care and love my babies he does not even notice change in me because his to preoccupied in other things were as Ive sent a cry out of his help and he ignored my call that is when I broke and turned cold ,yes I will give when I need satisfaction , he does the same so yeah its cool ,I am this Unhappy happy girl who has live day by day trying to please the rest and except whatever is served ,I cant be the girls he had before although Ive carried one of his past shadows which I had to just except when he did me wrong with this shadow and received my Sorry ,and still it didnt stop show ball received a soRry and plea forgiveness fill love aching heart beating oh boy Im not those guys that did you ,but Mr foolish married still zama to smash his show ball now how did he except to not those guys that wronged show when he Wronged his Wife ,but thats the past and show is a friend now to me and to him a special friend ,he has since stated that he does love her in a lover way but as a special friend he would bend back wards and leave Me in the dark even though he knows of my ache ,I am offten told I feel sorry for myself which I dont ,he does realize how much of myself Ive given to him regardless of all the hurt his caused me ,but with all due respect he is the father and good one of my kids so I respect him and will do what ever he asks ,just right now there is no connection ,affection is bbmed or whatsapped the I love yous and long unread messages Ive sent have since expired and been deleted my forcing for his heart has since transformed its self into false pretender hugs and kisses laying in his arms are those of an un affectionate fiction mills and booms book just to bluff the eyes and keep every thing together for the Sake of Family ,right now Love doesnt matter to me what matters the most is my beautiful kids ,I always tell myself if I didnt have them Today it would be so easy for me To pack my bags And leave without any goodbye letter ,I surly know he would make it without Me ,this beautiful feeling I have inside now days is No Fear Of being Alone and without him is so overwelleming and exciting but its all in a blurr because Im still here in his bed next to in his face 24/7 sucking up to him just to make my days brighter making future plans filled with the lie of happiness and love that does not exist for the Sake of our kids ,I wish I could tell him Ive given up but in due time he will noticed the dift and seemingly since he has already had this coldness towards me it will make it lighter for the both of us to move on and try being friends maybe ,after him I never want another him in my life ever it will be all about me and the safety of my heart ,his a charmer good with words and ladies damn fall for his sweet smooth talk so I know he will be happy being free to do his blog ,browsing entertain and fullfilling the next lonly heart out there Or maybe show ball will be waiting with open arms for him you just never know ,Oh well Im so Gone. I give him all thanks and appreciation for the least bit of love he tried to give me and for being there when I needed him ,and for being my part time friend I really loved him I was inlove with Thore then but his sword cut my heart up which Ive mended well without hate but love in a form of his the father of my kids I will always Care for him its just Time for me find myself and love myself and find peace within me ....love Black rose
Posted on: Fri, 29 Nov 2013 06:28:31 +0000
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