Im anxious,Im bored,I cant think straight,I cant concentrate, I cant remember what you told me 5 minutes ago nevermind yesterday or last week,Im sad,Im always teary eyed,they wait to spill when I see or remember something that brings my son to mind.i hear everyone talking about the holidays,theyre children,I try not to focus on those conversations, but I cant help myself,I think of him ,always him.i cry constantly, missing him,wanting him,needing him.people dont understand, theres a hole in my heart,my soul,my life,that will never be filled,forever wanting something I cant have,do u know what that feels like?I do,that constant wanting, knowing it can never be.my faith has suffered immensely, I battle with it every day,every hour,every minute.i believe,I dont believe,how is it possible,why did this happen,why me?no one gets it,I want to be held,no dont touch me,go away, can never make up my mind,Im so confused,I need my friends,no I dont need anyone.i hate my life,I hate everyone in it for not getting it,for not being there,for being there and not letting me be,I love my eric,sometimes I dont,sometimes I just want to hit him so hard he doesnt recover,sometimes I want to hold him,forever, my emotions are a mess Im a mess,I want to die,but there are consequences, I dont want to inflict this pain on anyone,but I dont want to suffer it either,what do I do,where do I go from here,doctors cant help ,Noone can,please understand the only thing that can fix this,is totally impossible, I want my son back,I need my son back,it will never get better,Im not strong,Im weak,so very weak,im broken,that will never change...i want to die,just let me die.
Posted on: Thu, 04 Dec 2014 14:18:18 +0000
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