Im going to let you in on a little secret. Last night we made it back in time to get to Midnight Mass. Yes. I am allowed to actually go into the building without lightning striking or any other act of God occurring. I arrive at the Church, and am holding the door open for a family when I hear a womans voice behind me. You do the flights, right? I turn and see a little boy who looks familiar holding a womans hand. The woman says You took care of my Dad. I vaguely recognize the woman and man behind her with their son as the family of a patient we flew a while back. I smile and say,Yes Maam. I feel a small lump grow in my throat as I see tears develop in this womans eyes. Thank you for saving his life!, she exclaims, and hugs me with force. Rocked back on my heels a bit, I hug this woman back and feel the tears well up in my own eyes. Overwhelmed, I am keeping it together while she sobs lightly into my shoulder until I feel my right leg being hugged full on by a much smaller person with his head against my hip and realize hes crying as well. My tears flowed like only the rivers of the heart can when we realize, and are humbled by, the greatness of this thing we so haphazardly call life. What it really means to have people in each of ours and that they are truly the only real gift. I let go of all pretense and hug this woman hard and place my hand on her sons back. I feel a firm hand on my shoulder with a squeeze from the husband. Humbled, overwhelmed, and filled with pure joy, my head is filled with the image of the Grinchs heart growing a full five sizes in that movie from my childhood, as the warmth of these peoples gratitude and love floods through me. After a minute or so of this wondrous experience, we let go of each other and mop our faces with the backs of our hands. Sniffling, I thank them for their kindness and appreciation, while trying to explain to them the Nurses, Doctors, and Staff at the Hospital correctly diagnosed, expertly treated, and compassionately cared for their Father/Grandfather. More so, EMT-s, Paramedics, Firefighters, and Police responded quickly and intervened with great skill, when they, themselves, the Family, were astute and quick to realize there was an emergent situation and critical condition of their family member. I go on to explain that I had a great partner and more than capable pilot that made the whole thing happen. Shes believing little of it as she tries to heap the majority of the praise upon me. These people are looking at me with admiration and reverence I am no where near deserving. I am at a loss for words, (I know. This is very rare.), when the little guy, now holding my hand, says, Next monff, my Grandpas gonna take me ice fisshin! Soon as he gits bettah., said with a look of complete certainty and in the voice/tone/vernacular of a 5 year old. I kneel down, hug him again at his level, and say, Thats great. You two have fun and catch lots of big fish. Grandpas are special and really great for fun things like ice fishing. He beams as only little kids can, smiles and says a simple, Yep!, with absolute conviction. The music starts in the Church, and I look from the glowing face of this beautiful child to his gushing parents, who are smiling broadly, the woman with shiny cheeks from her tears. They thank me again several times, the woman hugs me again, hard, the man shakes my hand forcefully, and I high-five the little guy as we move to part ways before entering the Church. I say, Ill keep you all in my prayers., which brings looks and nods of even more gratitude and admiration. All of which, is underserved and even misplaced. They pass through the door to the Church and are now out of sight. I brace myself against the brick wall and breathe deeply to clear my head. If they knew my secret, they may not be so quick to heap praise in my direction. My knees are a bit weak. I go in another door to the main auditorium of the Church. I find a seat in a pew toward the back of the Church. Happy to be somewhat anonymous and go mostly unnoticed. I sit alone, with the weight of my thoughts as the choir plays Christmas music appropriate for Christs Birthday. I know there would be little reason and almost no success in explaining my feelings to that family. Sure. We gave the best care we could, and treated that womans father well. We got him to definitive care quickly, efficiently, and most importantly, safely as possible. We were more than appropriate in our treatment and were as skilled as could possibly be. But, we didnt save his life. Thats the secret. And really, neither did the Nurses, Doctors, Hospital Staff, EMTs, Paramedics, Firefighters, or the Police, who arrived on scene first and followed their training well, with great skill and dedication. Not one of us saved this mans life. In over twenty years of working in the Emergency Services, from Hospital, to Pre-Hospital, to Fire, and now Critical Care and Flight Medicine... I have never once, saved anyones life. Never. Thats my secret. Sure. I have been part of resuscitations that were successful and there are people who are walking around today with a little more time to be amongst their families and friends. I have been given the opportunity to help alleviate the suffering of others and hopefully make their lives a little better. I have helped take care of shaken babies, a drowning kid from a canal, smoke inhalations, shootings, stabbings, assaults, heart attacks, pneumonias, asthmas, amputations, impalements, burns, respiratory arrests, cardiac arrests, and many more. I performed CPR on a dog once. I didnt save his life when he ran off. I never saved one. Not one life. Sometimes... something bigger did. It was not me, not ever, if the patient came back. Sometimes, patients would survive because something much bigger, much better, something worthy of that familys gratitude, deserving of their praise, caused or allowed it to happen. I am Human. I am fallible. I am short-sighted. I am quick to anger, hold grudges, and weak. I am prideful, boastful, arrogant, and selfish. I am not worthy. I am sinful. But, yet, I am a part of this wondrous gift, we as humans all respect, all love, and all give praise to. I call this God. My Lord and Savior. Some would disagree. Some call it Allah, or Buddha, or divine intervention, or say it is nothing more than luck and our existence. I can tell you, from all my experience, that if something uses me, as small, wrong, and insignificant as I am, to do good, that thing is pretty amazing. Because, I know, that I could not do this on my own. I have been blessed with amazing people as co-workers, partners, and team members, opportunities I do not deserve, and praises I have not earned. I am not worthy of what I am doing. But, the one I pray to is. As I sit in this Church, a sinner, I pray for that Grandpa and father, that woman, that little boy, and the Savior that died for me, so that I could have the blessing and opportunity to do his work in this World. I pray for the World. That we would all treat each day as Christmas. Happy Brthday Jesus, and Merry Christmas to everyone of you out there.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Dec 2014 21:19:51 +0000