Im not the person you met four years ago or two months ago. I dont even know who I am and where I stand in my life. I have recently felt every emotion there is except happiness. I dont know how long I can actually continue to pretend its ok. Sometimes I just wanna scream at people that Im not ok and quit acting like I am, but of course thats not fair. But you wanna know whats not fair is planning for a baby for a year, and then watching her die , hear the dr. Ask for the time, knowing the only bath I ever gave her was her first and last , that the only time I dressed her there wasnt any joy in it, to plan a funereal for my only daughter at 24 years old , having a nursery that shell never use, to just waking up feeling like my world is falling apart everyday. So forgive me if Im not concerned about anyones petty drama anymore grow up and realized you are blessed and better yourself or if you dont like the way I do things, what I say or the reactions I have . Well guess what Im trying , I react to things differently things that used to make me happy , seem to make me sad , things that used to make me mad , just hurt and things that used to hurt my feeling now make me angry. I have to talk myself into everything I do on a daily bases. And At the end of the day Im a mother of two awesome boys and a wife to a wonderful husband, I have responsibilities to them so i keep my composure and set my emotions aside. Its more often I grieve alone then with someone. So before you open your mouth , remember Im only human , Im not perfect, and Im trying if you cant understand that, then please delete me or just cease to exists in my life. I know you cant understand until you been thru it and I hope and pray yall wont have to . And to those many people who have prayed ,supported me ,and loved me no matter what thru this thank you from the bottom of my heart. Im gonna try to find a new focal point in my life and thats forgiveness && faith , so needless to say Im gonna avoid Facebook for a little while and find a way to get myself somewhat mentally stable , learn to process things better and live a life my daughter Izabella Mae husted would be proud of.
Posted on: Mon, 04 Aug 2014 02:45:00 +0000
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