Im sure there are some who think my posts are too personal...Im sure there are some who get uncomfortable with my posts. But I only post where The Lord leads me, and that is true of this post as well. If I feel the Lords nudging, it is then that I am to obey, because I know He intends to use it somehow for His honor and glory. He intends to use it for someones healing. He intends to use it to set someone free. I am free-writing...just letting my words go where The Lord directs...... As I look back over this healing process, I have been confused by my emotions...so many different feelings...so many different reactions...things that havent made sense at the time until The Lord brought clarity to them after taking steps in obedience to Him. One of the confusing areas has been my tears...or lack of tears...at times. There have been times where I openly sobbed and times where I was moved to the deepest levels of feelings and emotions...yet, no tears. It really has concerned me at times when I was so full of emotion; yet, I did not cry. When I look back, I realize it was often the hardest things I went through where the tears did not fall at all (or very little)!! I only cried during my cancer about three or four times...and those were very short-lived cries. I realize I never cried over the loss of innocence at such a young age nor later in life when the innocence lost was of my own doing. Those emotions were buried so deep...never to feel hurt, loss, regret, tears...I didnt deserve to mourn, grieve the loss!! I was to take it to my grave...or, so I thought. The Lord had other plans.......... Plans to make me feel again...plans to feel the pain...plans to grieve the losses...plans to face the fears...plans to soften the heart.............. It has been this walking journey with The Lord where I have had to dig deep inside myself...rely on Gods strength to get through to the depths of my heart...dig out the pain, the hurt. I learned some devastating news during this healing that I never knew...something that had the potential to completely rock my world...but The Lord only allowed me to learn about it in His timing...when He knew I had to hear it and only when I was safely in His arms. Every time I would feel myself getting ready to give up in this healing journey...in this walk...I would feel my Heavenly Father encouraging me on...Just another step...Come with me...You can do it...and when I would push through that hurdle, the tears would burst forth. More pain would be released. About a year or so ago, I experienced a cry so deep from within that it literally scared me. I had never cried like that...it came from a completely broken heart. It was loud, it was jagged, it was painful...I cried over and over: God...oh...God...oh, God. But it was the release I needed!! So much bottled up for years...to finally allow myself to truly feel it!! And I could have never reached that depth of my heart or my hurt without God helping me...all in His timing...all in His way...all in His loving care...all in His healing--healing only He can bring. Dont be afraid to face your fears...dont be afraid to feel your pain...dont be afraid to release the tears...there is healing there to be found when you do it ALL through The Lord!! Trust in our strength and shield...trust our Heavenly Father. When you trust in Him with your heart, you are helped (Psalm 28:7)....................
Posted on: Sun, 30 Nov 2014 02:34:37 +0000
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