Im that one girl. Ya know; her. The one nobody gossips about. The one who people are still asking, (half way through the school year) who is this person? when looking at her name on the attendance sheet. The girl whos name teachers still mispronounce. The girl who gets slammed into lockers as people pass by, not intentionally trying to hurt her, just not noticing that shes there. The girl whos actually a cool person but hasnt hung out with anybody outside of school yet this year. The girl with one friend in the school who only sees her in one class, the rest in which she still doesnt know where to sit if the seats get moved, as if its the first day of school. Yeah. That girl is me. Every day at school is exactly the same. Not a single person talks to me or even looks at me. I go to my classes and wait for someone to just wave or smile at me. I go to lunch and sit next to the people I think are my friends even though they never talk to me. Every time I try to tell people about my shadow life, they tell me to just go talk to people and put myself out there and stop waiting for them to come to me. They tell me this with such eas, without realizing how extensive my social anxiety is. I try to talk to people, but every time I do, Im surrounded in my head by my own judgements. I sweat, I get dizzy, I shake, and I look at the ground when I push small words out of my mouth that probably have no meaning to whomever I speak to. And if somebody told me to talk to a guy I liked, Id end up saying something dumb like, oh youre pants are unzipped. Please come and help me because Im not going anywhere.
Posted on: Thu, 06 Mar 2014 23:25:37 +0000
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