In spite of working in IT and UI/Web Design, Ive been slow to pick up on social networking, and honestly I have always been a little uncomfortable with self-promotion. I have just quietly posted my art and writing on deviantArt, Fanfiction.net, FictionPress or my blog and hoped my work would find its own audience. Since that creative work has long been the key to maintaining my mental health, I have focused on finding my way onto a creative career path. The opportunities Ive found for paying work have been more on the side of technical work than creative, and though the work can pay well it has not been consistent. It has been both a blessing and a curse; having time between contracts allows me to devote time to the creative skills necessary to grow as an artist or author, but I fall short of really supporting myself. I owe my family and friends a great deal for the support theyve given me over the years. It has not always been easy for me to ask for, or accept, the help they have offered. While growing up, I chose not to trouble anyone with the problems I struggled with, but when I was forced to confide what I could express, I continued to have the love and support of my family and friends. I know how hard it is to watch someone you love struggling with a problem that defies comprehension or solution. I also know how suspicious people are these days of individuals with mental and emotional problems. It presents me with an added challenge of trying to figure out how to promote myself honestly, accurately account for my handicap and the limitations it imposes, without instantly prejudicing people against me? Over the past year, Ive let this question kick around the back of my mind while I focused on the practical things, like working. My job, a 6 month contract, working 8 hours and spending as much as 5 hours a day commuting, did not leave me with much time for the creative work that keeps me sane. When the job ended a month early, I was so burned out I couldnt even do any creative work for a couple of weeks. I cannot tell you how exhausting it is pretending to be happy and healthy when in truth you are anything but. I dont like to complain, though. Living with Melissa is a constant reminder that things can get much worse. She cannot get the help she needs because the system we have for providing that help is predisposed to deny it. Animals are treated more humanely. I see enough suffering in the world around me to have grown up believing everyone must overcome debilitating pain--physically, mentally or emotionally--to do anything; but honestly, most people seem to be doing much better in life. It isnt easy, by any stretch, but it seems to be working for the most part. Its clearly hard enough that theres little to spare for anyone who stumbles or gets tripped and falls down. Its cruel and competitive enough that somehow the worst of humanity ends up among the winners and the best of humanity get trampled into the dust. Not that I think people are the problem; its just that our perspective as individuals is not trained to the scope of the problem. Thats essentially what tumbled out of the back of my mind after a month of stewing over my own problem. It does not matter if I have a mental or spiritual handicap; there are still things I can do--things that, in their own small way, only I can do. My talent lies in expressing ideas, graphically, literally, philosophically and even metaphysically. My prospects for survival rest on the worth and value others find in the ideas I express. Ive spent too much time doing the wrong things for the right reasons, and thats stunted the growth of my creative skills; but Im something of an expert at making the most of the least skill or knowledge. Im not so good at self promotion; my natural honesty and modesty tend to make me point out and magnify all of my flaws, so normally try to avoid talking about myself at all. So, in that so obvious I never saw it way, I finally realize that the best, and almost easiest, way for people to help me is by helping me promote my work. At some point, Ill need to get a professional agent, but whats clear to me now is that the only way to thrive as an undiscovered artist is to have steady stream of commissioned projects--the type of work that tends to pass mostly by word of mouth. Artists are only discovered online by prominent referrals; like anything else on the Web, you pretty much cant be found until a big enough crowd is pointing you out. At the moment, Im kind of lost in the mob of starving artists looking for work on every appropriate job portal or community site. Its not my style; Im more of a six-degrees-of-separation type of person. I dont know anyone at the moment whos looking for an illustrator, but I cant speak for the people they know, etc. Im not really asking anyone to go out of their way. I just see that my own circle of friends and associates has become rather small, and that anyone who wanted to help me could help just by mentioning me to, or sharing a link to my work with, anyone they know with an interest in illustration or writing, or a writing or illustration project. Oh, and if parts of this post have you asking what my problem is--either because its completely news to you, or you never heard the full story--its not really a secret. I just have not found an adequate way to present it clearly and comprehensively. I suspect it will take a book, though I dont see myself writing it until my life has enough stability to get through it. Ill be surprised if things have not completely unraveled on me by the end of the month.
Posted on: Tue, 05 Aug 2014 02:48:52 +0000
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