In the summer of 2009 I remember meeting my true love. His name, voice, attitude, hair, eyes, body, hands, and lips all took part in stealing my heart. I remember asking everyone about this boy. Where he lived, what he did, how old he was. Everyone knew I was head over heals for someone I barley knew. They warned me and told me to stray away, but my mind convinced me otherwise. When we kissed for the first time it wasnt anything like Ive experienced before. You read stories and watch movies about this kind of kiss. Never in my dreams did I think this would be it. Butterflies in the stomach and heel poppin kiss. Magical, something so special and unforgettable. Yet the years went on and me and my first love drifted apart. Young and reckless we took two different paths. The beautiful picture I had painted for us in my mind was crushed by reality and humiliation. My darkest hours were yet to come. It was a rainy cold night, and I was gone. Physically my body was there, yet mentally and spiritually empty. My love came from nowhere once again to show his face. My heart sunk into my stomach, my face turned red, and the memories and feelings began to intrude my head once again. My eyes started to water, for I could feel the pain and oh the shame. What was this ugly person I had become. Before I could even give myself a chance to answer I shut down. I hated again. I hated how he made me feel. I hated that he made me feel period. It hurt. I made sure he couldnt stare for long at me, not me the monster I had become and known to love. His kind words felt like jabs to my stomach, and then slowly he would pull them out. I couldnt hold tears back for long, I hated him. I needed to feel my new love again. I ran like I should have the first time we met in search of my new love. Meth. Before my 16th birthday I had one month under my belt clean off of meth. My mind was in a different place now. I knew there was no going back. Everyone and everything I knew was changing. 12:00pm March 22, 2011 I walked into the door of my new home in PA. My new life. Years went by and friend became strangers. My first love, contacted me again. I felt the warm love he showed just like the last night I saw him. I thanked him for his kind words and for showing me he cared. Really nothing mattered anymore now. I was all the way across the country and he was with someone new. My heart hurt once again but I swallowed the lump in my throat and wished the best for him. Relationships were nothing dull for me. I was young and never knew how to love or accept love. I would tell all my boyfriends about my first love and they would chuckle as it was nothing. When children came about subjects, I always thought of him. The perfect baby, blue eyes, blind hair and a name that never died in my mind. Colten. I had the chance to go to Oregon and see my family. First ticket I could book I did. I flew down and was reunited again. Christmas Day I guess you could say a miracle happened. My face lite up right along with my heart. Colten had once again found me and insisted on contacting me and meeting up. No dbout in my mind I was excited, giggly, all smiles, but never did the thought of being with him cross my mind. For past memories and dreams had already became reality and something I grew to accept. The times we spent together before his departure were too short. We talked about life and told each others stories. Never would I have guessed his journey to be so harsh. I couldnt imagine the struggles he endured, I smiled not because I was happy but because I knew. I kissed him on New Years and knew this was it. I wanted to leave our relationship at that, continue my days as I was. Something inside told me no, I wanted to ignore it but was forced to feel again. His silence and eyes said it all. I knew he felt my spirit falling into the deep hole it once was in again. I cried when he left for I knew he could be gone with all the dreams I had for us. My brightest days were yet to come. 1-11-14 My love had returned.
Posted on: Thu, 03 Jul 2014 20:03:15 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015