It has been a whole week now since Thanksgiving...and I just realized today that I ne-glected to listen to the song Alices Restaurant on that fateful day. I didnt have any mashed potatoes or pumpkin pie to make, so I guess it just didnt register. Thats just one of the perils of living in a (heathen) country that thinks the fourth Thursday in November is just another workday. This is my attempt to atone for my sin. Here is the video. And the lyrics. All of them. It took me all afternoon and about 6 times through the song to make sure I got them all typed out right. Enjoy. Alices Restaurant by Arlo Guthrie This song is called Alices Restaurant. Its about Alice and the restaurant. But Alices Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant, Thats just the name of the song. Thats why I call the song Alices Restaurant. You can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant. You can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant. Walk right in; its around the back, Just a half-a-mile from the railroad track. And you can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant. Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago. It was on, two years ago on Thanksgiving, When my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant. But Alice doesnt live in the restaurant, She lives in the church nearby the restaurant, In the bell tower, with her husband, Ray and Fasha the dog. And living in the bell tower like that, They got a lot of room downstairs where the pews used to be, And having all that room, seeing as how they took out all the pews, They decided that they didnt have to take out their garbage for a long time. We got up there; we found all the garbage in there, And we decided itd be a Friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump. So we took the half-a-ton of garbage, Put in the back of a red VW Microbus, Took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction, And headed on toward the city dump. Well, we got there, and theres a big sign and a chain across the dump saying, Closed on Thanksgiving And we had never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before, And with tears in our eyes, We drove off into the sunset, Looking for another place to put the garbage. We didnt find one. Til we came to a side road, And off the side of the side road was another 15 foot cliff, And at the bottom of the cliff was another pile of garbage, And we decided that one big piles better than two little piles, And rather than bring that one up, We decided to throw ours down. Thats what we did, And drove back to the church, Had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldnt be beat, Went to sleep, And didnt get up until the next morning, When we got a phone call from Officer Obie. He said, Kid, We found your name on a envelope at the bottom of a half-a-ton of garbage, And we just wanted to know if you had any information about it, And I said, Yes sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie. I put that envelope under that garbage. After speaking to Obie for about 45 minutes on the telephone, We finally arrived at the truth of the matter, And said that we had to go down and pick up the garbage, And also had to go down and speak to them at the police officers station, So we got in the red VW Microbus With the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction, And headed on toward the police officers station. Now, friends, There was only one or two things that Obie could have done at the police station, And the first was that he couldve give us a medal For being so brave and honest on the telephone, Which wasnt very likely, and we didnt expect it, And the other thing was that he couldve bawled us out, And told us never to be seen driving garbage around the vicinity again, Which was what we expected, But when we got to the police officers station, There was a third possibility that we hadnt even counted upon, And we was both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said, Obie, I dont think I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on. He said, Shut up, kid. Get in the back of the patrol car. And thats what we did, And sat in the back of the patrol car, And drove to the quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want to tell you about the town of Stockbridge, Massachusetts, Where this happened here. They got 3 stop signs, 2 police officers and one po-lice car, But when we got to the scene of the crime, There was 5 police officers and 3 police cars, Being the biggest crime of the last 50 years, And everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment That they had hanging around the police officers station. They was taking plaster tire-track, Footprints, Dog-smelling prints, And they took 27 8-by-10 color glossy photographs, With circles and arrows, And a paragraph on the back of each one, Explaining what each one was, to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, The getaway, The northwest corner, The southwest corner, And thats not to mention the aerial photography. After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was gonna put us in the cell. Said, Kid, Im gonna put you in the cell, I want your wallet and your belt. And I said, Obie, I can understand you wanting my wallet, So I dont have any money to spend in the cell, But what do you want my belt for? And he said, Kid, We dont want any hangings. I said, Obie, did you think I was gonna hang myself for littering? Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was Because he took out the toilet seat so I couldnt hit myself over the head and drown, And he took out the toilet paper so I couldnt bend the bars, Roll out-- Roll the toilet paper out the window, Slide down the roll, And have an es-cape. Obie was making sure, And it was about 4 or 5 hours later that Alice-- Remember Alice? Its a song about Alice.-- Alice came by, and with a few nasty words to Obie on the side, Bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the church, Had another Thanksgiving dinner that couldnt be beat, And didnt get up until the next morning, When we all had to go to court. We walked in, sat down, And Obie came in with the 27 8-by-10 color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows And a paragraph on the back of each one, And sat down. A man came in, said, All rise. We all stood up. And Obie stood up with the 27 8-by-10 color glossy pictures, And the judge walked in, sat down with his seeing-eye dog, and he sat down. We sat down. Obie looked at the seeing-eye dog. And then at the 27 8-by-10 color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows, And a paragraph on the back of each one, And looked at the seeing-eye dog. And then at the 27 8-by-10 color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows, And a paragraph on the back of each one, And began to cry because Obie came to the realization That it was a typical case of American blind justice, And there was a-nothing he could do about it. And the judge wasnt gonna look at the 27 8-by-10 color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows, And a paragraph on the back of each one, Explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And we was fined 50 dollars, And had to pick up the garbage in the snow, But thats not what I came to tell you about. I came to talk about the draft. Got a building down in New York City, Its called White Hall Street, Where you walk in, and you get injected, Inspected, Detected, Infected, Ne-glected, And se-lected. I went down and got my physical ex-amination one day, And I walked in, and I sat down. Got good and drunk the night before, So I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. Because I wanted to look like the All-American kid from New York City. I mean, I wanted, I wanted to feel like the All- I wanted to be the All-American kid from New York, And I walked in, sat down, I was hung-down, Brung-down, Hung-up, And all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly things, And I walked in, I sat down. They gave me a piece of paper said, Kid, Go see the psychiatrist, room 604. And I went up there, I said, Shrink, I wanna kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead, burnt bodies. I mean kill. Kill! Kill!! Kill!!! And I started jumping up and down yelling, Kill! Kill! And he started jumping up and down with me, And we was both jumping up and down yelling, Kill! Kill! And the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, Said, Youre our boy. I didnt feel too good about it. I proceeded on down the hall getting more injections, Inspections, Detections, Ne-glections, And all kinds of stuff that they was doing to me at the thing there, And I was there for 2 hours. 3 hours. 4 hours. I was there for a long time, going through all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly things, And I was just having a tough time there, And they was inspecting, injecting every single part of me, And they was leaving no part untouched. I proceeded through, and Is, When I finally came to see the very last man, I walked in. Walked in, sat down, after a whole big thing there, And I walked up, and I say, Whaddya want? And he said, Kid, We only got one question. Have you ever been arrested? And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alices Restaurant Massacree, With full orchestration and 5-part harmony and stuff like that And then all the phenomen- And he stopped me right there, And said, Kid, Did you ever go to court? And I proceeded to tell him the story of the 27 8-by-10 color glossy pictures With the circles and arrows, and a paragraph on the back of each one, And he stopped me right there and said, Kid, I want you to go over and sit down on that bench that says Group W. Now, kid! And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, And there was, theres Group Ws where they, where they put you If you may not be moral enough to, to join the Army, After committing your special crime, And there was all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly looking people on the bench there, was. Mother-rapers. Father-stabbers. Father-rapers. Father-rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me. And one, they was mean, and nasty, and ugly, and horrible, crime-type guys A-sitting there on the bench, And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, The meanest father-raper of them all, Was coming over to me, And he was mean, and ugly, and nasty, and horrible, and all kinds of things, And he sat down next to me and said, Kid, Whatd ya get? I said, I didnt get nothing, I had to pay 50 dollars and pick up the garbage. He said, What were you arrested for, kid? And I said, Littering. And they all moved away from me on the bench there, And the hairy eye-ball, And all kinds of mean, nasty things, Until I said, And creating a nuisance., And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench, Talking about crime, mother-stabbing, father-raping, All kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench, And everything was fine. We was smoking cigarettes, and all kinds of things, Until the sergeant came over, Had some paper in his hand, held it up, and said, Kids, This piece of papers got 47 words, 37 sentences, 58 words, We wanna know details of the crime, Time of the crime, And any other kind of thing you gotta say pertaining to and about the crime. I wanna know the arresting officers name, And any other kind of thing you gotta say, And the time-- 45 minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, But we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there, And I filled out the Massacree with the 4-part harmony, And wrote it down there just like it was, And everything was fine. And I put down the pencil. And I turned over the piece of paper. And, and there. There on the other side. In the middle of the other side. Away from everything else on the other side. In parentheses. Capital letters. Quotated. Read the following words: Kid, Have you rehabilitated yourself? I went over to the sergeant, and said, Sergeant, youve got a lot of damn gall to ask me if Ive rehabilitated myself. I mean, I mean, I mean, I just, Im sitting here on the bench. I mean Im sitting here on the Group W bench, Because you want to know if Im moral enough to join the Army, Burn women and kids houses and villages after being a litterbug. He looked at me and said, Kid, We dont like your kind. And were gonna send your fingerprints off to Washington. And, friends, somewhere in Washington, enshrined in some little folder, Is a study in black-and-white of my fingerprints. And the only reason Im singing you this song now is because You may know somebody in a similar situation. Or you may be in a similar situation, And if youre in a situation like that, Theres only one thing you can do. Its walk in to the shrink, wherever you are, Just walk in, say, Shrink, You can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant. And walk out. You know if one person, just one person does it, They may think hes really sick, and they wont take him. And if two people, Two people do it, In harmony, They may think theyre both faggots and they wont take either of them. And if three people do it, Three. Can you imagine three people walking in, Singing a bar of Alices Restaurant, And walking out? They may think its an organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said fifty people a day, Walking in, singing a bar of Alices Restaurant, and walking out? Then friends, they may think its a movement. And thats what it is. The Alices Restaurant Anti-Massacree Movement. And all you got to do to join is to sing it the next time it comes around on the guitar. With feeling. So well wait til it comes around on the guitar here, And sing it when it does. Here it comes. You can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant. You can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant. Walk right in, its around the back. Just a half-a-mile from the railroad track. And you can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant. That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff, you gotta sing loud. You could put a lot-- Ive been singing this song now for 25 minutes. I could sing it for another 25 minutes. Im not proud. Or tired. So well wait til it comes around again, And this time with 4-part harmony and feeling. Were just waiting for it to come around is what were doing. Alright now. You can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant. Excepting Alice. You can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant. I said walk right in, its around the back. Just a half-a-mile from the railroad track. And you can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dahm at Alices Restaurant. https://youtube/watch?v=W5_8U4j51lI
Posted on: Thu, 04 Dec 2014 14:20:37 +0000
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