It seems to me control is a misunderstood concept, or at the very least talked about rather oddly by others. Control is not something to have, instead it is a boundary that is never reached, nor is it meant to be. It seems to me a common misperception is that of living within the boundary of control, thereby being able to exact a boundary of control around something else. Though control is a boundary of sorts, the concept of control is nothing to do with being a boundary. When someone expresses a feeling of being without control, or a desire for control, or a desire for someone else to be without control, what comes to my mind is a possibility that person is not comfortable with making a decision that will change that persons own life. In a sense, it sounds to me as if that person is externalizing the action of decision making by insisting on conditions outside their direct influence being met first. That person doesnt like the options and therefore will not make the decision or the change in that persons own life until something else outside their realm of influence changes. That reminds me of the phrase unconditional love, and the concepts associated with that phrase, and a similar misunderstanding promoted in its name. When someone expresses a desire for the world to change, a desire for people (or companies) to change their actions, a desire for others to come to their senses and do the right thing, what Im hearing is that person is not comfortable accepting other ways of living than that persons own way of living. Control…Acceptance…Love…Whatever. I dont believe insisting upon a condition being met first is unreasonable, as it seems inevitable. Perhaps my ignorance of my having accepted conditions may make it seem like it was unconditional, but my later awareness suggests otherwise. However, I also believe the real condition is not external, is not outside of my realm of influence, is not in someone elses hands, but instead it is ultimately my own perspective. If I dont like the choices I have, then I can either open up and finally get comfortable with at least one of the options or I can simply eliminate the need for a decision. I can pick a salad dressing from a dozen I dont like, or I can go without salad dressing, or can just not have a salad. Will someone else be angry or disappointed or resentful of my action? Well, they set their perspectives up for that by making my action their condition for their comfort. (I probably wont mind them telling me about it, if done respectfully, such as self-reflectively for themselves.) Change happens even without anyone making decisions. Decisions dont make me in control of anything, I dont believe they ever do for anyone. A decision is simply a moment of understanding of what is happening, ideally blended with my own acceptance, but its not possible to be control of anything. The concept of control can be a boundary of sorts, but it has no true location in regard to life, existing at most merely as the idea that it is.
Posted on: Mon, 17 Mar 2014 08:43:39 +0000
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