It took me finding the guy that came as close to my image of the perfect husband and me being blessed with his child to realize that what Ive wanted more than anything in my entire life is to give birth to a healthy little boy, and be the best mother and wife I could ever be. The rest can be the icing on the cake. I will go to college and have a career someday, but my first priority is making my man feel like the king in his home, make sure he knows Im there to hold him down day in and day out, and prove to him everyday that he will never have to worry about being alone when he needs someone again. As for my son, I will make him proud by always putting his needs before my own, showing him what to look for in his own future wife, teach him to be a respectful young man who works hard for everything he has, and always helping him find his path when he loses his way. I didnt choose the easy path, highschool, college, career, marriage, house, children. I chose the path thats a bit backwards, but Ive never been the one to take the easy way out. Im thankful for every challenge I have been given, every obstacle Ive found myself stumbling over, for everytime Ive fallen and stood back up stronger than ever. This has made me who I am, Im a strong, confident, mature, loving and determined young woman, and now I get to see all my work pay off with the sweetest heartmelting smile of my son. I couldnt ask for more than my own little family. Peder Gentry, Eliam, and I will be that family that works through everything and 30 years down the road our love for eachother will only be that much more unbreakable. Im proud of my choices, Im not here to please you, Im here to find fulfillment in my own life and if you ask me Ive done a pretty good job. When I die I will know that everything Ive done has had a greater purpose, I dont care about money, friends, material objects. My idea of fulfillment is being the best god damn person I can be in this world full of greed, selfishness and cruelty. I will never do something against my morals, I will never be the person someone else wants me to be again. I will continue to grow everyday, to experience, to become wiser so I can show my son how to survive and how to live life with purpose and to be strong even when others put him down because he is different. Im proud to be different, Im glad Im not a replica of someone else, god made me perfect like the rest of you, and our choices, our morals are what determines our happiness. Together Peder and I have made a beautiful baby, one that will never know what its like to love a day without love. What more could I ever want when I have found love and made what god intended to be made by two people who are in love? What shame is there in being a hardworking mother and wife? There is none for me. Regardless of the opinions of others, I am happy, I am happier than Ive been since I can remember. And I have this beautiful baby inside me as a constant reminder when things are hard, when I get depressed, when it seems like Ill never smile again, he holds me up and makes me feel like Im on this planet for a reason. That reason is you Eliam, you are the reason I have made it to see my 18th birthday, you are the reason why my attempt at ending my life failed, you are the reason that against all odds I have held it together, you are the reason your father and I met and fell in love and most of all you are my reason for finally feeling successful. You were and always will be the reason I was put on this planet. That is why everything I do for you for as many years as god grants me to spend as your mother will be my way of paying you back, because I havent even seen your face yet and you have given me more love, more purpose, more happiness than anyone ever has. You are a miracle, you are a blessing, you are my everything Eliam
Posted on: Thu, 06 Nov 2014 20:04:05 +0000
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