Its been a brutal week in terms of sleep and sanity in our neck of the woods, Calvin lost a couple of days of daycare due to an illness at the daycare and then his sleep was off, so mine was off. At some point when Michael Harris lovingly said youre doing a good job while we were waiting for Calvin to settle in his crib (after everything else had been tried) I found myself saying, no, Im not. Im doing a crap job. Im this close to going to go sleep in the woods!. I realized the next morning that at my absolute worst and darkest moment, Im not running away, but sleeping outside of our apartment in the nearby woods like 4 metres away from our apartment. Just as I had said that, Calvin fell asleep. It had been hours of struggle previous, on top of weeks of bad sleep. The next night was better. Finally, as weird as it felt to do it, today I made my way to a breastfeeding support group in Kentville, weird because I was on my own as Calvin was at daycare (they provided transport via a local cab company, which was awesome because it would have rained on this pedestrian) and it was so important. Not only was I more reasonably slept, I got to talk to other moms and see other babies and for the first time in too long a time, not feel so alone. Ive been reading Anne Lamott lately, she says the best prayers are help me, help me, help me thank you, thank you, thank you and wow, wow, wow. These are my prayers, daily, hourly - so many help me prayers, so many thank you prayers, so many wow prayers. I believe that God (or all things good if you are not of a faith-based tradition) smiles on everyone who is genuinely kind to mothers and fathers of babies and children. The kindness always goes further than you know, believe me, I have many thank you prayers for the kindness of strangers, family, etc., because I drink it up like water and it feeds me for days, weeks, months and in the years to come. Trust me, Im not sleeping in the woods yet.
Posted on: Thu, 23 Oct 2014 16:20:42 +0000
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