Its been a few days since Ive posted. With the death of Robin Williams I would normally have a very strong and educational post about suicide. The truth is I dont have the energy at the moment. I am struggling myself and I am fighting back tooth and nail. Bipolar is kicking my ass at the moment. We are up to maybe adding lithium to my cocktail but I am resistant at the moment. For the first time I felt the switch, physically I felt it. I was driving and out of nowhere I started to feel confused I got lost on my way to a place I go to many times. I was disoriented and was having a hard time trying to get my kids to understand I wasnt well. I pulled over for a bit found my way back. I tried my damnedest to hide it from my kids as I tried to focus on not passing out. Then I felt irritated and agitated all at the same time by the time we got home I was in a deep dark depression. No reason for it , the switch took place. And so my illness is back. I am rapid cycling and its back with a fury I havent felt from it in a long time. No one worry because I am fully aware and have safety nets. This is just one day in the life of a bipolar woman, who has kids and furbabies to take care of , who has a job that I need to show up to. Yea it doesnt really care about all that stuff you have going in in your life. It demands attention. Right now I am giving it the attention it needs. This will pass as it always does. I wanted to post the short version of what happens to us when we start cycling. We didnt ask for this short circuit in our brain it just happens to some of us. So here we are fighting every day to be here present in the world. We never really get credit for fighting a good fight, and that is because unless you are one of us the 1-4 Americans that have a mental illness youll never understand. I cant fully put in words everything that happen to me last night but I tried. Tomorrow is a new day :)
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 02:46:31 +0000
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