Its easy to just look at things that you like about yourself, or that fit within your concept of you. But, when you are slapped in the face with embarrassing things youve done, its easy to want to wriggle out of that and blame others, deflect, deny, get angry, whatever. I started on this journey of documentary filmmaking because of its potential to get to the truth. And, my education in womens studies has taught me that nothing created is made in a vacuum--there is always the role of the creator, and all of her or his issues that shape what is being made. Hence, my sick desire to make documentaries that include the self in the process. Hence, my pushing myself to include things about me that shape the story. Hence, my inability to not look at my shortcomings, if Im trying to tell a story about something, and trying to tell what I think the truth of the matter is, especially if the story couldnt have happened without me being there. Hence, ugh, my struggle to do justice to myself and the story, and ugh, running into a big piece of the puzzle, that has to do with one of my biggest shortcomings, and sitting myself down and trying not to wriggle out of it. Ugh. Ugh. Now to keep trying to tell the story in a way that is entertaining and meaningful for other people to watch, yet honoring of the material and all the individuals involved in the story. It will happen as long as I dont wriggle out of it, and focus on all earnesty, egoless-ness, and the simple reality of: Im here to tell you a story. And it will take me being the biggest Ive ever been. https://youtube/watch?v=uLha_m0KCmE
Posted on: Sun, 14 Dec 2014 19:30:31 +0000
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