It’s been five years - half a decade – since we said our earthly goodbyes to my daddy, the one who called me “pookie bear” (which I hated until I couldn’t hear it anymore) and “babydoodle,” was more patient with me on the golf course than anywhere else, provided me an example of what to look for in a loving, respectful husband, sacrificed for our family, taught me to appreciate coffee and red wine, offered sage business and life advice, cut loose with his brothers and sisters, could outrun me any day, made me feel beautiful, and knew how to make me smile (even when hundreds of miles away). When I think of what I’m missing out on by not having him here anymore, I still hurt. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I smile at the sky. But what I have learned in the last 5 years is that almost everyone I encounter has faced pain, has lost something or someone valuable, has good days and bad days, struggles with guilt, fear, grief, addiction, or some other overpowering emotion, or has overcome adversity. Yet, we all still carry on. It’s the good times that we can reflect upon and the hope we have for new life events to come that keep us moving forward and hopefully trending upward. In the past 5 years: I have been in a healthy, loving relationship with someone whose childlike antics, silly demeanor, strong work ethic, and ability to make me happy I know would make my daddy glad I had found him; I have started and completed a Master’s program; I have worked in a rewarding philanthropic career for over a year; I have made friends; I have lost touch with others; I have renewed my focus on and relationship with God; I have loved my mother in every way possible: firmly, gently, judgingly, unconditionally, loudly, quietly, rebelliously, sweetly, abrasively, and softly; I have been confounded, irritated, angry, forgiving, upset, jubilant, heartbroken, and every emotion in between. Isn’t this normal? Don’t we all face a barrage of emotions weekly, if not daily? Ultimately, I have been me, and I can only hope that the me I have been and am continuing to become would make my dad proud. Although I wish he were here physically, I am still driven to earn the fortune with which I was already blessed, to have been my daddy’s “pookie bear,” then and always.
Posted on: Sun, 07 Sep 2014 20:33:36 +0000
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