Ive been thinking & reflecting on my life & how its evolved throughout the years. Not that Im old or anything...LOL!!! The LORD has given Shawn & I, two independent young men & a daughter to raise and LOVE. THANK YOU LORD FOR THE BLESSINGS OF OUR CHILDREN, GRANDCHILDREN, DAUGHTER-IN-LAWS & MOST OF ALL FOR THE UNION OF SHAWN & I..... A LONG TIME AGO...LOL! I BELIEVE IT WAS 1980 when I met & fell deeply IN LOVE with MY HERO, MY ROMEO, MY ONE & ONLY TRUE LOVE--Shawn Parker Lahr. I was 15 yrs old & he 17 yrs old. What a memorable time it was. Oh, how HAPPY I WAS. THE EXCITEMENT OF YOUNG LOVE. Ive valued, respected & honored this man. I believe he once felt the same. Some how over the past 5 or so years it has slowly trickled,dwindled & faded away. Despite the challenge, Ive prayed, hoped & pleaded with ROMEO to make an effort to reconnect,communicate & LOVE ONE ANOTHER once again.IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE THE CONNECTION on my own...Much has been revealed to me over the past year and a half. So much betrayal, deception, disrespect, dishonesty, distrust, disloyalty. TOO MUCH HEARTBREAK,DISBELIEF & UNHAPPINESS. Although, I lost my heart I gained a more valuable & TRUE SPIRITUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HEAVENLY FATHER. Ive loved Shawn so deeply, but in the end HE HAS NOT LOVED ME as I believed he did. He justifies his actions with false accusations that he truly believes. When Ive needed him the most (during the loss of 3 family members in 1 year) he chose to seek & seed another. What DEVASTATION Ive endured!!! Our LORD says we must forgive & I will continue to pray for this to be implanted within my SOUL & SPIRIT. I would love to believe this is all nothing, but a terrible nightmare that I will soon wake up from. The nature of this awful season of our lives could be the turning point of something much more inspiring, uplifting & rejuvenating that OUR SAVIOR has planned for us. As much pain & hurt that I feel, I must keep just a small fraction of HOPE for UNITY. THIS TRULY IS WHAT LOVE IS ABOUT. Maybe I am foolish to think this way, maybe I should have left long ago, but yet, I AM STILL HERE... WHY??....... IM STILL WAITING FOR AN ANSWER. WAITING FOR I LOVE YOU, MARLENE TO ROLL OFF HIS TONGUE. WAITING FOR AN APOLOGY FOR HIS MISTAKE, WAITING FOR AN EMBRACE OR TO SEE A SMALL SPARKLE IN HIS EYE INDICATING HE STILL VISUALIZES US & STILL LOVES ME AS i HAVE LOVED HIM.... I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS, BUT I DO KNOW I AM THE MOTHER OF THE CHILDREN WE CREATED OUT OF LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. I AM NO LONGER THE YOUNG IMMATURE GIRL HE FELL IN LOVE WITH, BUT I AM THE WOMAN WITH WHOM HE SPENT ALMOST ALL HIS YOUNG & NOW OLDER LIFE WITH. Soooo, GOD BLESS YOU, SHAWN. I HOPE & PRAY YOU LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.......... MARLENE ROSE BENSON
Posted on: Mon, 24 Mar 2014 01:29:31 +0000
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