Ive struggled with depression. As long as I can remember. I was dumped into foster care at 11 months old and never felt like I belonged anywhere. Ive had a really rough life. I learned to be funny and make others happy to deflect on my own feelings. Mental health is such a huge faux paus. I went to live with my biological mother when I was almost 15. Even my family didnt believe in anything like mental illness. I begged my biological mother and her husband to get me help. It took one of my siblings half heartedly cutting herself with a dull pocket knife for my parents to understand. They still went about it the wrong way. After I was diagnosed with stage 4 Endometriosis and understood why I was in pain every day of my life and knowing that this would probably be the rest of my life, I slipped into a very deep depression. I locked myself in my room and talked to no one for almost a week. I thought about it. I did. What use could a person like me possibly be? I asked myself over and over. Im in pain every day. EVERY day. There is never a moment of peace unless Im sleeping. This is the life of a women with advance stage Endo. Being in pain every day takes a horrific toll of the body. Ive tried finding therapists. It has not been a good journey. Ive heard everything from Im not sure how you are still alive. to Im sorry, were not equipped to handle your case. As it has always been, I decided to fight. I hope everyone with depression does. Its not easy. I have a much different view of suicide and suicide attempts than most. Attempts are usually reaching out for help and as someone who has walked the line, I understand what goes through your mind when you are in that threshold. Ive known of Robin Williams mental problems since I was 17. It breaks my heart no one could help him. As someone who doesnt believe in the after life, I think this is th only life I will ever have and will live it until the bitter end. It is often said this was so unexpected and they didnt seem like they would or they were always so happy. The signs are there, I truly believe that most people just arent listening. It takes a lot to write these words. Im hoping someone who needs this reads it when they need to and feels a sense of fight from me. I will always be in your corner. I will fight with you if you cannot anymore. 18002738255 This is the Suicide Prevention Hotline.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 00:04:29 +0000
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