I’m flying!!! I remember dreams where I was able to fly, but this is for real! Unbelievable, look at the colours! Every type of plant you can imagine. I can dive through the sky; the slightest movement with my arms propels me higher. I turn on my back and float; when I keep my arms alongside my body I slowly drift downwards. I am weightless. I am happy. I am in awe. “You are dead.” Who is that? Where are you? Where am I? I’m not scared. I am so utterly content. “You committed suicide.” Who are you? What do you mean by that? I’ve never been this happy. I am happiness. I am whole. Look, I can fly! Look at all this magnificent beauty! Wheeeeeeeee! “You were disappointed with the outcome of your Awareness Campaign.” What awareness campaign? Run, run, jump, and I’m up in the air. I can fly. Faster, faster, faster! Effortless! “You were disappointed with the outcome of your Awareness Campaign.” What awareness campaign? Who are you and what are you talking about? The clouds are the purest of white, the air remarkably fresh. And I simply cannot describe the colours. Everything is magnificent! This is love. I am integral part of it. I am spirit. “Slow down; go to the pond by the weeping willow.” Okay… going to the pond by the weeping willow. I love willows – I planted three in London. Wow! Look at the water, it is so clear. Wow, look at the fish! They are perfect and vibrant! What is that?! “It is the your movie, and the end thereof.” Who are you? What movie? I can see myself in the water. Wait, there is my brother and mother too. What is this about? Where am I? “Just watch.” And I sat by the side of the pond and watched the story of my life. My life cycle. Everything was so quiet – covered in palpable silence. I laughed and cried, and I remembered, I saw things that would usually embarrass, I saw mistakes and breakthroughs, I saw love and I saw hate, and then I saw disappointment which wrapped up a 34 year long movie; more than 17 882 266 minutes of being, because I wanted to make a point. “You always wanted to make a point.” Yes, and why would I not? You know – you know what people are like. If something terrible had happened to me during the Awareness Campaign, the entire country would have latched on immediately. They would have paid attention; they would have donated towards the sorry tale. Reacted towards another piece of evidence of how hopeless our situation is; they would have given a pity contribution. Into the black pit. By taking my life, I thought I could still persuade – get them to listen and contribute. It was a selfless act. “You are wrong.” Surely ‘they’ listened? “No, you are wrong about ‘it’ being a selfless act.” Isn’t it about intention and then actions? “Yes.” I am happy now. “You can’t act anymore, which means no more intentions either.” Can I go back and rewrite the end? Can I change anything I’ve done during the walk, including the last day? “No.” Surely I influenced something, someone? Surely I did achieve some good? And I had so many other plans… “Plans are good. But you must wake up! Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, WAKE UP!” On Sunday morning I opened my eyes and had to recalculate my exact position. I was in bed at home; I had arrived back in Cape Town 2 weeks prior. I got up, felt the cold stone floor under my feet, walked to the bathroom where I picked up my toothbrush, squeezed out some shiny toothpaste, opened the tap, dabbed the toothbrush under the running water, and brushed while staring at myself in the mirror. I walked to the percolator, percolated, and with the end result in my hand walked outside, onto the spiky lawn, sat in the garden, and continued to stare. Since my arrival on 20 October, it has been very busy - !Khwa ttu provided a hide out for two days (you can’t run [or walk], but you can hide). Only family joined me there for some quality time. I had a few media interviews, weeded my garden to prepare for an ‘open house day’, viewed a few properties in the new town I am relocating to, made vet appointments for my cats, spent time with the cats, collected some of my stuff in storage. Drafted bulleted priority lists under ‘personal’, ‘new business’, and ‘HiM’. Low and behold, I got a contract tendered for over a year ago. And I looked at Lion’s head, remembering how I used to go up there twice a week for some air. I observed many flocks of pelicans, in formation, heading somewhere. So I haven’t changed the world. So I have to wrap up the HiM Awareness Campaign by organizing the art auction, so I have to enter the business world again. So be it. But something has changed… I will forever step more confident, step forward, and be beyond the illusion of the ‘me, me, me’. I have created awareness, and may those who have latched on, experience our society ever so slightly differently, continuing to contribute in small ways, but knowing that the slightest effort is part of the essence of life, which is love, and that they are an integral part of it. “Charity does begin at home.” Take note of the spectacular colours, whether it be a gloomy or sunny day. How magnificent. Breathe the air, and for the sake of all, seize the bloomin’ day!
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 08:02:18 +0000