I’m here camped out in the NICU on the fifth floor of Ishan hospital and I have so many thoughts running through my head. I just got my evening visitation time with Ravi, had some mushroom soup, and now I’m laying awake with my head next to the door of the NICU. Last night was one of the worst scariest nights of my life. I have lost quite a few children I was really close to during my years in Nepal and being back in these settings always gives me flashbacks and trauma. It all happened really really fast but in the moment going through it, it felt like an eternity and the worst kind of torture anyone could ever be put through. We went to three different hospitals and by the last ambulance drive from Kanti to Ishan things were looking really bad. Ravis eyes were rolling back in his head and he became unresponsive and it was the worst feeling in the entire world. Some of the story kind of still feels unbelievable and a blur and difficult to put it into words. When we got to Ishan the team here really sprung into action. They let me be in the room while they got his history and went over paper work and helped me stay calm while I was losing my breath and spinning out of control. When I had to leave the room Ravi’s vitals were dropping and his heart rate was up at 320 and his WBC count was up to 25,000 which is really high for a little 5 pound baby. When I got out to the waiting room I threw up in a trashcan while everyone in the waiting room tried to console me. I had an amazing team of doctors from Kathmandu calling my phone every 20-30 minutes and communicating with the doctors in the NICU. I was really impressed with the collaboration on Ravi’s case to get him through the hard times and looking back feel incredibly grateful that I had access to people willing to push and advocate for me. For most of the night every time the NICU door opened my heart felt like it was going to stop. I was trying to prepare myself for the worst but I also couldn’t bear the pain I was feeling at the thought of losing him. Usually the nurses would give me a list of meds and supplies and I’d run down five flights of stairs to the pharmacy and run back up. I couldn’t stop crying. Couldn’t stop. My phone calls with the doctors and nurses were really just me whimpering and saying yes okay thank you, yes okay, thank you, through tears over and over again. By two in the morning we still didn’t have news. The rest of the hospital was quiet and asleep and I was pacing in the hallway trying to control my panic attacks and at exactly that moment when I felt so alone and so scared and so physically sick and things felt unbearable my friend Michelle pulled up in a taxi in the middle of the night. Michelle runs the Courtyard Hotel with her husband Pujan and theyve allowed me to stay there as a home away from home in Kathmandu. Michelle showed up like medicine woman with a bag of supplies and a big container of coconut oil and held me while I collapsed in her arms and couldn’t hold my head up. She gave me a bottle of cold water and a massage, held me tight and told me over and over again my baby was going to be okay. She was here for me in such a big way brought the love of ten guardian angels and all of my closest friends. Michelle stayed with me through my shock until the nurses came at 4:30 in the morning to tell us that we could go see Ravi because miraculously his vitals were back and he was doing just fine. Seeing him again and knowing the battle his little 5 pound body had just fought and knowing he was awake and conscious and stable made me start crying all over again. Michelle and I walked out of the NICU, put a blanket on the floor and I fell into the deepest 2 hours of sleep Ive had for days. Since the morning hes been on the up and up. l really appreciate the medical professionals from around the world who took Ravi’s case to heart and pushed so hard for him. Also the amazing team of nurses here at Ishan Hospital. I was so impressed with everyone for giving Ravi love that goes above and beyond their call of duty. YOU all prayed, sent positive thoughts and encouraging messages and honestly truly I feel like that was all part of the miracle that happened last night. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And to my entire superhero team back at Kopila for holding down the fort. I couldn’t have it any better. Amidst all of this intensity of Ravi story, we’re raising 49 other children just like him and running a school, and building a new campus, and running a clinic, and a womens center and things would have stopped in their tracks if it weren’t for the amazing people around me to carry us through. The last thing I need to say before I fall asleep. To parents everywhere who have lost or had to fight for a little one, I have the greatest respect, admiration, and love for you. I couldnt stop thinking about all of you last night when the going got tough and it all felt like too much to bear. I hope I can continue to be there for people in the same way that theyve been there for me.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 17:55:31 +0000
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