June 20th 2009, was one of the most darkest moments in my life. That was the day that my unborn child was put to rest because she was diagnosed with spina bifida during 25 weeks of gestation. Physically the pain was excruciating but emotional my heart ached every waking day of my life. During that episode of my life I felt betrayal, devastation, judgement, and shame. Shame for terminating a life and devastation because I felt that God has abandoned me during my moment of despair. As much, as I would repeat only God knows why things happen, deep down that wasnt enough to clarify the fact that I had to end a life. I felt hopeless, I was filled with guilt and all I could do was hide. Emotionally hide that I was hurting inside. For 5 years of my life I was separated from God and refused to talk about that part of my life, I wasnt even able to visit my angel at her gravesite because I felt shame. On 9/9/11 God blessed me with another angel and thats when I decided to declare salvation after 5 years of pain. I am very cautious to share my story with anyone in the fear of judgement but today, God has graced me with his courage to share my story because after 5 years of my tragedy I can honestly say I have now completely forgiven myself. I can look up to God and say thank you father God for loving me regardless and covering me with your grace even when I became astray. Thank you for placing family and friends to comfort me even when I placed a wall in heart. Thank you for loving me when I couldnt love myself. Thank you God for healing and restoring my heart. To my daughter Giana Melanie bracero, I love you so much and there is never a day that I dont think about you.
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 04:09:01 +0000
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