Just couldnt sleep tonite have been sick with strep throAt since Sunday when I woke up so been off work for two days now got to work in morning at four and cant make darn eyes close for nothing In the world I bet if I make it all day on loader I will have no problem closing them tonite I just been missing the old man a lot here lately wishing he was here for me to talk to about this junk that Ive let cost me the woman I wanted to spend rest of my life with I got my brothers and other people but Im not one to talk to other people much my dad was my best friend in the world and when I was younger before he passed away if you seen him you seen me back then workmanship comp wasnt so strict on stuff during the summer most time I was at work right beside him at the sawmills he ran or was sawing at I aint saying he was the best but back in 19 and 91 he made a thousand dollars a week salary for sawing six and a half hours a day five days a week and we fished the rest of the weekend until as late as we could sunday to be able for him to be ready for work Monday morning so he must of had some kinda idea what he was doing because back then a grand a week was good money cause you walk out of grocery store then with 150 dollars of groceries you had more than one bag and you could take prolly 40 fill tank up and lights and stuff wasnt near as high as now plus we had a big garden every year you mention hoeing a garden to a kid now days you better call the ambulance before you say it cause they will have a freaking heart attack if they have to mowe grass with a riding mower Im telling u the worlds work ethic is not what it used to be and gonna get worse with each generation but Ill quit boring yall about the worldly stuff that yall all prolly already know to well any way if you pay attention around you at all and the president that magically appeared in office with nobody voting for him is not helping matters at all but he got to be a magician to just appear in office because I bet you cant get one single person to say they voted for him Im sorry but somebody did not only once but twice so if you did especially the second time I hope when he screws you over he is out of Vaseline cause he aint only screwing up for ones that put him in there for eight years but for all of us that actually get out there and work for a living and dnt live off the government yall really screwing us over I wish they would make every one of yall that get help from state take a drug test once a month or so just like a job because when I do drive a log truck or any truck I have to take one to get out there and make money they ought to make yall have to stay clean before they just hand yall freaking money and if u need rehab make you pay yourself not the taxpayers job you can get out and pick cans up to pay for u a spot in one cause if I couldnt pass one to drive or any of the other drivers couldnt pass one guess what sooner or later you gonna have get off your buts and go somewhere to find some toilet paper cause we got to stay clean to haul wood to make paper for yall to wipe yalls butts on guess what you need to have to stay clean before you use my or anyone elses tax money that works for a living to buy any darn thing in my book . And I want to say this right now before I start getting comments about that stuff I said that was meant for the ones that are not working but can work but just to dang lazy to get off the couch but will set there and smoke dope all darn day long and drink up into the night and live in state funded housing if you disable drawing it more power to you and if you working and your circumstances arent to where you can make it without help I dnt blame u I would get it to cause dnt think when I get me a Brady bunch family put together that If I need some good stamps that I want bale off up in there and be proud to do it lol even though theyd probably laugh me completely out the office lol . But ok ok Im done Im through ranting bout stuff I know I cant change and really wasnt even on that it just came to mind I guess cause been thinking bout DAD a whole whole lot here lately and he felt the same way he weighed 140 soaking wet with boots full of rocks and he didnt care who he hurt or wat if you pissed him off and came to his mind it was coming out his lips and wasnt apologizing for it either just way he was and he didnt listen to a lot before he had his belly full but if he was still around I woulda been a lot better man than I am now cause he would be about 83 years old now and I guarantee you the first time me and Ashley split up and he woulda found out why he woulda of come in wheelchair on walker of watever he had to do to get to me and he woulda whipped my 300 pd butt and I woulda said yes sir no sir to him while he done if then told him appreciate it when he got done with me cause thats how much respect for him and I was raised to work from can til cant from time I was old enough to start helping him around his mill and pole mill that he had for lil while when he was at work he was all bout work when he was out on river with the family for weekend he was about the fishing and family and you better not say nothing bout that sawmill on weekend he left work at work. I get in trouble no matter who Im dating or watever cause they all Hollar you work to dang much and dnt spend enough time with me everyone of them that told me that though except for Ashley I would turn around.and tell them well you dang sure like them big checks on Friday lol but Ashley I have to give it to her she is one of the most genuine women you will find that is that young and more mature than some forty year olds that I know when she told me I worked to much I can actually say all she wanted from me was me to stay off the shit and work over time on us and my big dumb butt did good for about two or three weeks and I was right back to staying at work all the time and not spending time with her now all I pray for every day is for one more day with her one day if not for nothing else. Just to set down and apologize to her in person and let her know Im sincere in my apology to her and let her know I never intended on this to happen the first time and darn sure not the second chance and I dnt want her thinking that I was unhAppy with her in my life I was happier the time she was in my life than Ive ever been in my whole young 35 years of my life there is nothing she coulda done to made me no more happier she was wonderful to me and I wasnt used to that at a it scared me but I liked it but had never been with no one that actually said they wanted to do something in life and stuck to that and Ashley does she sets goals and works for them and I didnt really know what to do besides see if I could get used to being with someone as good as she was to me and make her happy to and I didnt take long to make my mind up we had went to movies a time or two and I came home was talking to her on phone and went to hang up with her that one nite and she said bye and I went to say bye and I dnt know where it came from but I BYE ASHLEY I LOVE YOU ILL SEE U TOMMORROW CAME OUT INSTED OF JUST BYE SEE YOU TOMMORROW LOL AND RIGHT THEN I KNEW I WAS IN TROUBLE CAUSE THAT USUALLY IS Down THE ROad three or four months if that early and when it came out I thought for sure I had scared her off but she stuck around and tried to make me a good old man and I know I screwed that up royally but I cant back up and undo whats been done I wish I could cause if go back to October of 07 and never have touched the stuff the first time like I shoulda done anyways but idk who knows way ever gods will for me is thats how its gonna be and he aint gonna put nothing on us we cant handle on our own with his guidance to help us thru it but I will tell yall this if he puts much more hurt on me than he has for several of the months out of this last 11 months he better have lots of time on his hands to talk cause several times I was ready to just say heck with it and quit caring at all but I would talk to him and listen see if he would actually talk to me but I never did hear him but I know he works because certain stuff happend in my life that I had ask him to help me work on and then he put Ashley back In my life again and that was my biggest prayer the whole time we was split and he answered it but as soon as I got comfortable and forgot how bad the hurt was while she was him. I disobeyed gods will and he took the one I loved the most right back out of my life and is working on me in several ways not just the stuff but my temper and several lil things that I need to work on to be a good man for somebody on down the road years from now cause right now I put my heart in the prison walls of my chest and reinforced them to keep anybody out because last time it went out on town it stayed gone for almost two years or longer and then came back broke into pieces cause I messed up and hurt the one I had gave my heart to and she didnt want it no more and gave it back to me broke into and she is the only. One that will ever get close to it again for along long long time lol cause I trust her with it she didnt do this I done this she just showed me she wasnt putting up with it no matted how much she loves me but I know hAlf yall are wishing this woulda ended a long ways back if ysll read it at all but I just couldnt sleep and still not sleepy sleepy til I get in that pick up to head oh It to Leblanc to work then I want be able to hold eyes open lol I appreciate all yall that have not turned your back on me and quit talking to me cause of the stuff Ive done and stuff Im going thru and for thrones of you you that dnt talk to me no more more power to you you wasnt real friend no way you was one them that call or came buy when u wanted or needed something so its just like the trash is taking itself out of my life but got to get up and start getting ready at least
Posted on: Wed, 29 Oct 2014 07:53:29 +0000
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