Just watched some interview/behind the scenes video with Vampy Bit Me, talking about what it means to be a professional cosplayer. She says she travels all the time, often up to three weeks out of the month - but could be make really good money doing so. I just want to make costumes and play games. Going to cons and tournaments where people recognize me and want to take a picture with me is great, and maybe being able to sell a few prints here and there to be able to keep funding my hobby would would nice - and thats enough for me. Its enough that people see my costumes and appreciate them. Im sickly. Im in a relationship with a great guy who I want to spend quality time with. I have close friends that I like to see as often as I can when Im feeling okay. I want to go to the events that my boyfriend and I enjoy attending together. I want to sit around and play videogames with my boyfriend and our friends. I dont want to be truly cosfamous. I would like some recognition and the credit that I feel I deserve for my hard work on my costumes and stuff, but I dont want to a professional cosplayer. Thats too much work, too much responsibility, and too much stress. I like modeling and stuff too, when I am feeling up to it, and yeah, of course Id like to be able to make a few bucks here and there off dabbling in modeling and selling some prints. But really. I dont have the time or the energy to try to be a cosfamous professional cosplayer (though you will hear me complain time to time how unless youre one of those people, its hard to get any recognition at all - the amateurs will always be overshadowed by them, because thats just the way it is - and dont get me wrong, I have a cosfamous cosplayer to thank for helping me get my scooter - without Ani-Mia signal boosting my gofundme, I dont think it ever would have gotten the funding it did). Im starting to see what my real priorities are. Im going to keep making costumes and stuff, because its fun, and I like being able to do that - its sort of an art form for me. But Im going to stop comparing myself to those cosfamous ones, because I dont want to be that. I dont have time for that. I dont even have the looks for that, none the less the health and strength for the lifestyles of non-stop traveling and busy con schedules they have. And to be honest, ever since I got sick, I realized cosplay (and/or modeling, when I can) might be the only thing left that I had that I was good at and could still do (though with a lot of difficulty because feeling sick all the time doesnt help), and that I could use to make something of myself. I dont actually have much self-esteem. I use cosplay and modeling to kind of escape my own reality and pretend to be someone else: someone prettier, healthier, more confident, and less depressed. I dont really have any other skills, either, besides making costumes. A lot of the skills I used to have I physically cant do anymore. And I look at pictures of myself from shoots or in cosplay and I think, Thats really me. Its me, and its not me, but it IS me. And for a moment, it lets me forget that Im usually sitting around in my house, dressed like a bum, no makeup, hair a mess, and staring at facebook because I really am too sickly to bother doing much else - and if you saw me, the REAL me, youd see that, too. And I know some people might have something to say about my GoFundMe (one of our friends...well...for a variety of reasons, one of our former friends to be exact, had said something about it, criticizing me when I first made it)....I dont have money of my own. I cant work because Im sick. I dont get to make costumes often because Im too sick to work on them. My boyfriend literally supports us both - he pays for EVERYTHING. Even my silly hobby. So for once, I wanted him to not have to pay for something I needed, because he does so much for me already. And I know I have no money. And insurance is well....bad at doing things theyre supposed to do. So I turned to crowdfunding, because Ive seen so many others do it for far more superficial causes. I just wanted one less burden for him, because the man literally does everything for me. And one less financial burden is one less reason to be stressed out by our situation as a result of me getting sick with something debilitating and incurable. And before you say it, no, he doesnt think of me as a burden. But I know all the hard work he does to provide for us both, and to take care of me, is a strain on him, regardless. So to all of you who donated. Thank you. From both of us. It means the world to me that so many of you would be willing to help. This really will change things for me (and him) in a very tangible way. I know this post was a mess of different thoughts, and some very deep stuff, so sorry if I made anyone uncomfortable by it. I just wanted to get some things off my chest.
Posted on: Thu, 23 Oct 2014 20:48:16 +0000
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