Kettles piss me off. You are either filling them, and not putting enough water in, or you are waiting for it to boil, or you are listening to God awful music whilst on hold. This is a new string to their bow, but, a tight one between the legs. I want a purple kettle. I say I want, Christmas is coming, Im a romantic, and our kettle leaks, so I am after a purple kettle. I know, I know, God damned Romeo. So, I look for purple kettles, in a virtual high street. Eventually, I am told I have the right one, and now the chase is on. Amazon inform me that there is one, sat on a shelf in a store in Doncaster. Right. About an hour away. Dont fancy an hour in a car my painkillers allow some comfort, with the pay off being drowsiness. Not ideal. So, I go to my local Dunelm, an experience I can recommend. They have a napkin ring section. What the actual, anyway, I digress. After searching this hell hole of haberdashery for an age, I asked one of Santas helpers, who work their, for help. She told me there were none is Scunney, but they do have the ability to get one here from Donney. It would normally take 3 weeks, but at this time of year, it would not be that fast. I can shout to Donney, I pointed out. Sorry, she explained thoroughly. I returned to the interweb, like some hacker from the 1840s, I smashed keys like Elton John on acid. I rang Dunelm in Doncaster, and spoke to a young lady, who has no hold facility, or chooses not to use it. I explained what I wanted, and she explained that she would go and look. For 5 minutes I waited like a child on tie out. No talking, no idea what was going on, nothing new really. On her return, she explained she had looked through the shop and the warehouse and there were no purple kettles as described. Right. I rang Lincoln Dunelm. They chatted, and explained, after a look, with music, that they did not have what I wanted. I thanked them. Then I rang Grimsby Dunelm. Good old GY, lets see what they have to say. firstly, the automated answer phone hung up on me 5 times, explaining that the world of soft furnishings has really taken off since Skint started on channel 4, and so nobody had time to chat to me. Reading between the lines, this is what I perceived, as no way they could all be busy for so long. I kept trying, and soon spoke to Lianne. I know her name was Lianne, because someone said Ill get Lianne. I thought Lianne was mt saviour, but.......... Have you looked online? You can just buy it online and have it delivered Lianne pointed out. What a fool I had been. Of course. I thanked Lianne, and said that only someone in Grimsby would have the sense to tell me that, and said I did not know why I had rung Donney and Lincoln, I was a fool. I hung up. Right, I drew the blinds and went into a digital world to buy the kettle. I searched, found the website, found the item, them found the checkout. HUZZAH. Hang on. This item is not available to purchase online. Would I like to click and collect in a store near me. Yes please. Enter my postcode, email and inside leg.... love to. I was then told I had a reservation number, and I could collect today, after 3, from Donney. FFS. I rang Donney, aware that if I had just driven there this morning, I would have been laid bleeding in a ditch by the side of the motorway by now, and none of this would matter. I explained I rang earlier, and somebody searched earlier, and now I am a geek and have done it like zukkerberg would. Now, the computer says I can call and collect after 3 today. The lady sighed. It was her I had spoken to earlier. She has searched, and there are no Brabantia soft grip, brushed stainless steel, purple kettles in their store. What should I do now? We wait. Soon, the computer will send an email to her, and let her know I am coming to collect my kettle. When she gets that email, she will ring me, and let me know, she has no kettle. Then, the circle will be complete, and I shall not have the extravagant show of love for my sweetheart at Christmas, and Dunelm, well, they seem very busy or understaffed. Whatever, I hope shoplifters hit the napkin ring section hard this yuletide. I personally vow never to have anything to do with the overpriced cushion, stuffed with shite, which id Dunelm Mill. May it become a Poundland as soon as possible. I thank you for your time.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Dec 2014 12:35:37 +0000
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