LIFE IN K.U With the imminent end of the semester, the odour of exam is unmistakable. One unsolved mystery is how the behaviour has changed, from tourist-like lifestyle to self-made book nerds. To understand this chameleonic change, it is imperative that I dichotomize the semester into 3 phases. The genesis of the semester is riddled with chronic allergy to books. Library is avoided like a warzone while reading areas are rendered vestigial. With pockets filled with dimes, drinking sprees become a ritual. The welcoming of “freshers” is also a landmark event. A point to note is that the seniors will be presenting their “manifestos” in a bid to win entry in between fresher’s limbs. The fresher’s-bashes become unholy dens of soliciting for horizontal agendas. Deflowering of naïve ex-high school ladies is professionalized, linguistically able participate, mouth-wise challenged watch the sport through the lenses of jealousy. Any smokable substance is not spared the light of matchstick as people swirl jerricans of liquor. I have a friend who shouts to be the son of so and so when the level of imbibed alkanol disorients the medulla oblongata. Some opt for low end quality brew at corrugated ghostly bars at KM like Gullyside or Kwa Mbuguz. The end result is always walking on all fours all the way to the hostel, human quadrupedals in the making. It never ceases to baffle me why no crawling drunkard will loose their bearing, maybe because men train themselves never to ask for directions since parturition. This is why the unlucky ones will “resurrect” in the morning on the railway trench when the mighty but rickety train hoots. The university is not only a melting pot of different cultures but also economic demarcations. Economic disparity is buried alive as everyone craves to make a clean break from their actual backgrounds. This leads to euphoria that everyone comes from a tycoon family, but the quilt beneath this entire pretence is a stretched out tentacles that need to be trimmed to acceptable levels. A jicho pevu expose will show that the cause of all these stage managed richness result from disbursement of taxpayer’s money (better known as HELB). Cheap flashy phones and hoarse voiced Ampex woofers are among the first items on the list as soon as the HELb donation hit the account. Social status skyrocket , students feed on domestic avian (kuku). To illustrate this phenomena ,I attempted to buy Cheptepkeny a simple supper, “I don’t eat ukali, it’s just not my dype of food,” she blurted with heavy Kalenjin accent which nearly hampered the communication. I wondered why anyone would try to climb social status in few minutes and failing to assess oneself as to why you are still retaining the heaviest vernacular accent even after being in the highest institution of learning for two years ! I stared at the wig on her head , perhaps brighter than her future. It also came to my notice that she had shaved the eyebrows and drew back a Nike logo with pencil. I did not want to observe more, appetite had been murdered. I ran back to my domicile, Mfumbiro Hostel. Mid-semester is when a fraction wake up to the fact that HELB and other money acquired by coning parents also get exhausted. The idea of being in holiday camp starts fading, some call parents for the first time asking for monetary SOS. The idea of visiting a lecture room for the first time crosses the mind as the first and second CATS sound an academic warning. Budgeting for stationery is made after seeing them on display at KM, perhaps when going for lunch since by then , Mugumo restaurant or BSSC has been abandoned for the real moguls. The couples with the weakest artificial love start splintering. The remaining ones start becoming less stable than potassium. With rejuvenated affinity for money , ankos (male working class)will start appearing on Friday to fish for ladies. This is when Range Rovers and ramshackles troop in like war tanks. This phenomena can be observed in Abadares , Lukenya ,Ngong and Usambara 1 Hostels . The low end ankos summon the ladies to use public transport to their chambers. This partly explains why so many ladies arm themselves with 1 tonne sack like handbags as they migrate towards the gate. What happens in their destinations is subject to debate. What amazes me is that some of these ladies do this after lying to their boyfriends that they are visiting their “uncles” or “aunties”. It takes a half-wit to fall for such a lame excuse! It is also on such Fridays that the condom dispensers are magically emptied for fornication purposes. The remaining bitter,high and dry guys are determined to cover their warheads and sleep away their sorrows -all puns intended ! Most students wake up from their stupor in the last 3 or less weeks to main exam. This is motivated by the fear of making an F-word in the transcript (commonly called retake). The book phobia is now cured by the pending exam threats. Economic incapacity has also hit majority of the guys and this is when they lie of being in the library to avoid unnecessary spending on members of the opposition gender. The number of flashy items has reduced to the brink of extinction. Shylocks like my fried Kamau offer quick loans on items at an exorbitant and punitive rate of 21.5% per week. One wouldn’t be surprised to find him with hundreds of phones from the defaulters. It is bewildering that one can miss the seat in the magnificent 5000 seater Post Modern Library. The art of booking of seats becomes rampant.
Posted on: Tue, 03 Dec 2013 11:46:01 +0000
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