LIfe with a son… As a server at a restaurant in Guelph, Corey wears a tie. As a dutiful father for the last 10-12 years I have provided him with the Dad-Assist Tie. Thats where I tie the tie as if Im going to wear it, but slip it over my head and give it to him. But the time comes when a son must buy his father a beer in a bar. No wait… the time comes in a young mans life when he must learn to tie his own damn tie. We experienced this milestone moment this week when he said--in essence--Teach me this great skill of manhood. I sensed the heaviness of the moment, the great leap from one stage of life to another, the vault… ok, ok you get it. The lesson began with each of us with a long length hanging down the right side of our chests, the short side on the left. I had him stand beside me like we were synchronized swimmers. Didnt help. I quickly realized how hard it is to teach something I do without thinking. How the hell do I do this? (Theres a golf lesson in there somewhere.) Eventually, I managed to synch my hands and words: Fold this around, and under, now over… He tried about 10 or 12 times, but after a promising start, the great moment when the short end is pulled to reveal the crisp triangular miracle gave birth instead to something that looked more like a pliable highway interchange made of stripes. Then, we tried it with him standing facing me. Nope. Nothing worth doing is ever easy, son, the father replied, obviously buying time. Adversity builds character. Right Hobbes, the son mocked, rightfully. Then, the father breathed in and breathed out--mindfulness rookies: this is the grounding moment--and grew silent and still. Sensing he must seize the torch/tie and create a lasting knot of his own, the son silently tied, retied, tied and … ok, you get it. Until he turned his face skyward, punched the air and bellowed, I freaking did it. There was no great lesson for the father--just reminders. Be there, do my best to show them what to do, and then shut the hell up and let them do things for themselves. And laugh a lot. The most important piece in all that? Be there. Really be there. If we can do that as fathers, my sense is that the ties between fathers and sons--and daughters--will grow tighter and stronger.
Posted on: Fri, 21 Nov 2014 19:45:38 +0000
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