LOOKING UP AND LOOKING IN: RELATIONSHIPS Last night I had some time to just sit down and reflect a bit on how relationships play out, especially romantic ones. Here in Germany the dynamics are quite different from back home in Kenya, yet also similar in some ways. In my reflection time, I focused more on my relationship with a very special lady, whom I have come to love with all my heart. I must confess that I used to be addicted to soap operas, especially the ones made in the Philippines and Mexico. I spent countless late nights simply watching them. Little did I know how they were slowly and dangerously affecting my perception and expectations of how romantic relationships play out in real life. They offered a seriously incomplete view of relationships: as soon as people fell in love, or got married, PARADISE! And that would be the climax of these movies. But we never got to see what happened after the lovebirds rode off into the sunset. It has been almost 2 years now since I got into an intentional steady relationship. It has been a journey of growth for both of us. As I look back, our walk together has been anything but what we see in the soap operas. Yes, we have had our spontaneous and cloud 9, make that cloud 15, highs. At such times I could feel my heart racing as it bubbled up with joy and excitement, when I wanted to freeze those special moments for eternity, when I would look at my gorgeous lady, and be awed by her beauty, both internal and external, and marvel at the reality that God has blessed me with her. At such times, we felt perfect for each other. Everything in the world was good! It felt like heaven! And I do thank God for those highs. Every relationship can use those beautiful moments. They are God’s gifts to us for our enjoyment. But away from the rosy side, which most people get to see, is the harder side, which only close friends and family have walked with us. Yes, we have hit rock bottom, very drastic and saddening ones. This is the side that many people mostly avoid, and even use as an exit route from the relationship. We have had many disagreements. For me, I am a very conflict-averse person, so these have been challenging for me. But through them, I have gotten to see how my own pride, selfishness, fear and ego need to be dealt with. God has used this particular relationship to teach me humility, that I do not always have to be right. Is winning an argument more important than strengthening the relationship? I have learnt how selflessness should play out, and just how unnatural it can be. Putting my lady’s needs before my own is the right thing. And key pillars that are hardest are forgiveness and reconciliation. Our walk together has had times when we hurt each other deeply, when what kept us awake at night was not an electric surge of ecstasy, but deep pain. But we have both had to make that bold step to humble ourselves, ask each other forgiveness, to seek reconciliation, not to dwell those painful moments, but to learn from them still. The 1 Corinthians 13 love, if we read it carefully, challenges us to do things that are so unnatural to our fallen nature: perseverance, endurance, selflessness, forgiveness. In doing these things, it’s all about making deliberate choices, and not just relying on an emotional high. At such times, we indeed CHOOSE to love, we act ourselves into feeling and not just feeling ourselves into action. I look at Brenda Magu, and I thank God for the gift of an amazing best friend, and companion. When I look at our journey together, full of those highs and lows, I can confidently say IT HAS BEEN WORTH IT! IT HAS BEEN BEAUTIFUL!! I have learnt, and will keeping learning, what true 1 Corinthians 13 love is, to deliberately choose to love her and to stick by her in both good and hard times. May our walk together be one that points not only us, but also those around us to true Christ-like love. We will keep looking up and looking in, relying on our Lord for our sanctification.
Posted on: Mon, 08 Dec 2014 06:57:39 +0000
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