LOVE, GUIDE & LET GO. As I write this post, tears roll down my face. Tears of joy, relief, and sadness for my special little angel. Oh how deeply I love my big boy!!!! Today I believe I am thee proudest mommy I the whole world!!! For the past several days, we have been working on Kaēo Jr riding on the school bus. Not an easy thing for someone with autism. I have been riding on every bus ride with him to make sure everything was ok. There were many issues to be addressed before he could ride by himself. Having him do this would not only help him grow and learn to do things on his own but also alleviate my To Do list a bit --- which was jam packed. It would also give much needed respite to both myself and his grandparents. My parents have graciously been coming to our house Monday thru Friday to help me with the other kids so I can get everything done for Kaēo Jr to get him situated in school. With him riding the bus, I would be able to give more attention to Koa & Maraya. For the past 4.5 years since we got Kaēo Jrs diagnosis...it has been an autism led life for this family. We gave everything to run a full time Son-Rise program for him at home in order to keep him safe, build a relationship with him and encourage his trust and love to be with people. Our other kids had taken a backseat to their big brother who just needed so much attention and help to do the simplest things. Even our marriage became rocky where autism and care for Kaēo Jr were at the root of every argument. We have done our absolute very best to LOVE him and GUIDE him. Now that he is able to handle life a little better, we decided it was time to LET GO. It was imperative to find BALANCE in our lives again. To let go and LET GOD. He has now been in school for about 3 months and continues to have great days where we see progress and growth. Today was the day I had to really let go and watch him get on the bus all my himself... I was a mess inside but did my best to smile and cheer him on! He went on with no problem. He looked at me and waved goodbye. I yelled I LOVE YOU as the doors closed and blew him kisses. I saw him mouth the words I love you and he even blew kisses back to me through the window!!! HUGE STUFF. I really could not believe this was all happening. I asked God to give me the strength to let go. I felt God reminding me to have confidence because He is with him and he will be just fine. And with that belief...I was able to smile as I watched the bus drive away.
Posted on: Wed, 10 Dec 2014 18:42:33 +0000
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