Last week when I posted the article I wrote about why I dont want to get married. I anticipated a plethora of comments, from those who think its because I have not met the one to those who feel that I am misunderstanding the institution. I expected all that, I tend to be ready for any eventuality whenever I post what is deemed controversial or unorthodox. What I did not anticipate was My friend Sejakos question, I am not sure if she was deliberately asking or it was just in passing. However her question stopped me in my tracks, it made me a little uncomfortable. She first mentioned that she still wants to get married, only if she meets the right man who will love and accept her for who she is and allow her to aspire for her own ambitions and then as if in passing Sejako asked what about white men, whats your view The discomfort of this question is multi layered especially given our history in this Country. Just to be clear I have no problem what so ever about mixed race relationships. I personally have 3 friends who are in mixed race relationship and a family member. That is not the issue here. The issues and the discomfort Sejakos question brought up are as follows: 1. The idea of a white man being better. I remember when I deliberately decided to not date and to be celibate for nearly 3 years, my mom at family gatherings would always refer to me needing a white man. Haai u Doll uzokhonwa umlungu...indoda emnyama ngeke ilunge (Doll is a nickname my mom gave me.). She would say this jokingly of course. I also have a friend whom whenever we talk about relationship problems she proclaims I am done with black men, they are just not worth it 2. The obvious unease and discomfort that we see from a majority of black men with strong, confident, self assured, independent black women. This may indirectly make it seem that white men dont have a problem with strong, self assured, confident women. 3. The idea (real or imagined) that a white man will take better care of us than black men, that they are less violent, more caring, more giving, more loving and generally more wealthy. So the questions that Sejakos question brought out for me is this: Do we as black women hobor secret feelings that white men are better boyfriends, husbands, lovers etc? Has popular culture influenced us, i.e our obsession with Ridge Forrester of the Bold and the Beautiful? What say you?
Posted on: Mon, 21 Jul 2014 05:49:53 +0000
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