Lastnight I had the chance to free myself of some things that has been floating around in my head for years and I dumped it all out. Deep secrets that are only for the ears of someone who I feel that I could really trust. I just let it all fly not worrying about the consequences or anyone opinions. I dumped it all out on someone who I know was ducking and dodging hearing it for many many long long years. This person who I believe ran from their responsibities because things were to hard for them to handle at the time before they ran. Now I understand they took that opportunity to fix the needs and shortcomings that they had inorder to gain some sanity in their own crazy life and I applaud that effort sincerely. But dont come to me telling me you want to know about things you have missed out on for years and then not have the patience to hear and know about them. Cutting me off when I make the attempt to trust and confide in you with some stuff that has ruined and damaged peoples lives isnt a sure sign that you really want what you have been pushing me to share with you. The ugliness of the things that I had to suffer through as a child when you where away living your life and not participating in mine like a responsible person/parent does is apart of such things that I have chosen to share with you....... just like YOU requested. The great thing about it all is I knew it was the right thing to do in the eyes of God meaning, there wasnt a selfish motive behind it at all. I wasnt trying to gain anything such as sympathy or money out of a guilt trip being thrown out etc. It was all about freeing myself of the torture I had to suffer because I didnt have a parent their to protect me and love me and teach me how to deal with all of the disfunctional things that was happening at those moments in time. I was scared for my life and at the fact of how so uncaring, cold, and evil the ones committing the offenses were being. I was left vulnerable and without any help or protection and for you to have the nerve to even begin to think you know who I am as a person, man, citizen, father, friend, and all out human being because of things you heard about me from the ones who was doing the hurting is very arrogant and pompous of you. If you would have taken time to actually listen to me when I attempted to reveal all of that disfunctional crap that was taking place it would have saved you a whole lot of pain that you may now be suffering from and feeling at this moment. A person who talks alot that thinks they know everything just because you sat in a few meeting at AA or CA doesnt necessarily mean you have all the answers and know it all. Some people at those meetings still dont get it all the way so perhaps if you can listen to people who arent related to you and be willing to sincerely help them out of their insanity then maybe instead of letting the guilt of your absence in my life hinder you from being patient and willing to LISTEN SINCERELY to me then maybe I can properly grant your request of letting you know what has been going on. Anyway people as I was saying before I got side tracked.....being able to finally get the mess I have been holding in from since I was a child and to the person who it totally deserved to be told to was the most freeing thing in my life!!! So glad that I did it and I am so glad that God showed me through a sermon today that the time was definitely right for me to do so!
Posted on: Sun, 23 Jun 2013 19:23:30 +0000
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