Lately Im trying to find a stance in posture, communication, human contact that would hopefully lead to greater kindness and empathy. Problem is, my shyness is getting in the way. When I want to come off as caring and sympathetic, immediately my gut reaction is to flee the situation and go back home. I think I have a number of coping mechanisms Ive adopted to overcome my shyness like heavy drinking, chauvinistic jokes, all of which do not lead to very welcoming behavior. It is much easier to resort to caveman behavior and find some macho guys, drink drink drink, and say, Me like boobs! Rarrrghh! and make buddies that way than to try to take a very humble and sympathetic and compassionate stance which could be perceived as docile, feminine. The yearning to be tough and insensitive is a defense mechanism of some sort. I really think the yearning to be masculine can get in the way of a lot of things. Its easy to be kind and compassionate in a situation that clearly calls for it, like seeing a homeless person suffering or a loved one who is ill. Its difficult to do this for me in neutral situations that dont establish a clear need for it. The hardest part about being a good person for me is striving to do it every day, even in the situations that dont desperately call for it. I think a lot of guys are brought up on the notion of being tough and masculine, to survive a zombie apocalypse and fight to protect others. Yet this kind of macho nobility is generally inapplicable in todays society unless were soldiers of some sort. Being a good person on a daily basis needs a more practical form of nobility and a more pacifistic sense of honor and duty. It can be difficult to develop the right techniques of approaching problems in these more mundane scenarios when were flooded with images that glorify heroes who *fight* in some way (either through aggressive rhetoric or even physically) for what they believe is right. I think it can be difficult for young men, seeking to discover manhood, to understand that the greatest forms of heroism may not involve any fighting at all and begin by just a compassionate gesture towards someone else. I still havent quite learned this yet. I feel more comfortable in extreme situations that make it very clear what the right thing is to do than very peaceful and mundane situations where it is not always so clear.
Posted on: Sat, 28 Jun 2014 08:00:26 +0000
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