Let me start by thanking each and everyone of you that have prayed, called, texted, sent cards, visited, sent flowers or brought food. The show of support for my mom and my family has renewed my faith in people. I knew she was loved but we have truly been blessed with the most wonderful friends. Thank you will never be enough to express our gratitude. The past twelve days have been earth shattering for our family but last night was the longest, roughest night of them all. Mom had 3 breathing treatments between 2 am and 7 am that didnt help her. She couldnt breathe which causes panic. The panic makes your heart race and near impossible the get any air at all. You could see the terrified look in her sweet eyes. We tried everything we knew to help her settle back down. After additional medication and lots of coaching from a couple of the most dedicated, compassionate RNs Ive ever known she did manage to get through the night. She was still really fidgety and stressed this morning. She tried to push her breakfast tray away and said this is stupid (referring to the tray of food). Its taking too long. I just want it over with. I want to go on. She is so very tired and ready to be with The Lord. So early this morning, with her input and complete agreement, we made the decision, along with her medical team, to increase the dosage of the morphine drip and to start intravenous Valium just so she could relax and breathe steadily. While the nurses were getting the medicine she gave daddy and me the two thumbs up and said are we square? We both answered at the same time, were square. Jeff and I had spent the night with her Friday night and made daddy come home to sleep. We had a good night. Daddy and I stayed last night so Jeff could go home and rest and we had a terrifying night. However, she is comfortable now and resting easy. Hopefully with the help of the medicine and God she will be able to rest this way until its over. This was a terrible decision for us to make but it is one she fully supported as well as her doctors. It is the only way to keep the last promise that daddy, Jeff and I made her. And that was to keep her dignity in tact and to keep her as comfortable as possible. She is not able to swallow anymore so she wont be getting anymore nourishment. She had already signed documents back when not to allow a feeding tube or to resuscitate. We have been wetting a sponge and putting in her mouth to keep it moist. The doctor told daddy and Jeff this afternoon that it could be 2 hours and it could be 2 days. We are trying to be brave a give her up on her terms but we want to keep her with us so very bad. I would do anything I could to help her but I am completely helpless against this awful disease. So far, these are the darkest days of my 47 years. I look forward to being able to smile or laugh at every thought of her. I know it will come in time. Our lives together were too happy and blessed to have tears in every memory of such a special lady. Jeff and I are blessed to have her as a mother and friend. Daddy has been fortunate enough to have her undivided attention for 57 years of which 54 were as husband and wife. Jake is by far the luckiest! His heart is breaking right now but he too will only have the most precious of memories one day. He is the only grandchild and Lord knows that Granny is the most important title she has ever held! He is certainly the apple of her eye! Even in the midst of such a life changing tragedy we can find uncountable blessings with very little effort, the kind that money cant buy and only God can supply, and for that reason alone I am so very thankful. Daddy and big brother are staying with her tonight. I still cant sleep even after being up for 3 days straight so I wanted to catch everyone up on the situation. Hopefully this will be the last gigantic post I have to make about this nightmare we have been living in as of late. Thanks again for your continued prayers of comfort and strength. I can honestly say that we would never have made it this far without all of you unbelievably, awesome people! Mom was just blown away by everyones kindness. Daddy, Jeff and I are forever grateful!
Posted on: Mon, 21 Jul 2014 05:29:34 +0000