Loneliness...a small prayer answered... The alarm in my head goes off like clock work. I climb out of bed and wash my face. I make ablution (wudu) and I stand upright, aware and completely focused on spending these special moments with my creator...and I pray. Yesterday I went with a friend to get a mammogram and biopsy. When you hear these words you think tests... But I realise its not in the scans or the poking of the needle that the test lies, nor is it in the pain of having your boobs squashed and pressed into a pancake. I realise that the test lies in the excruciating agony of losing control and the greater test is in that helpless feeling of not knowing... As I held her hand and watched her tears flow, her body violently shaking with fear, I prayed so desperately Please God do not put this woman through what I went through. You have power over all things and whatever may be in her breast today, you can change in an instant, like you did the stick of Moses As tears trickled down my cheek and her grip on my hand grew tighter I begged him From me, the woman you decreed would become ill, I implore you not to inflict on her what you inflicted on me, and to spare her the torment of what I was not spared and to make this the end of her grievances and limit her trauma to this here moment of fear during investigations... And I spent all day saying the same things on repeat and intermittently crying. My friend, in all honesty, is not someone I know much about at all. I have a healthy respect for this woman and on occasion we have exchanged greetings and words of genuine kindness. But you dont have to know someone intimately to feel empathy, compassion and even hurt for. You dont have to know someone intimately to feel for them from the parts of you that hurt the most. You simply need to know that they were created from the same clay and that they feel and hurt and bleed and have fears the same way that you do. And to know that when they are at their most vulnerable they only need what you would...love, a gentle hug, and someone just to be there, even in silence, but present. You simply need to love for your brother or sister in faith or humanity what you love for yourself. Nothing more and nothing less. And as I lay here in my bed, tears running down my cheeks, I remember her words Thank you so much for being here. I couldnt have done this by myself... And my tears saturate my pillow as I acknowledge the compassion of the Almighty. In his infinite mercy he heard my prayers, even before I had asked him. I realise that he had already answered my call when he blessed me with the opportunity to be there beside her. He removed one part of the trauma of my journey, from the life of this woman, by ensuring that unlike me, she was not alone in those moments. For when it was my turn I remember turning to say something, to express my feelings to someone, anyone, and as the world violently kicked the last bubble of breath from my lungs and I had struggled to breathe, I realised I was desperately, shakingly, unforgivingly...alone. And I thank him...for answering the first of my prayers. And now I ask that you join me in asking him to fulfil the next part of my prayers and ensure that when this woman returns for her results she hears the words its not cancer and she is spared the hardship of what those of us who did not hear those words, endure every day... As the sun rises on a new day I ask you to call out to him and flood the heavens with your calls Ya rab (O God) spare this woman of the trauma of being diagnosed with cancer and ensure that her experience with cancer is limited to the events of yesterday, halted permanently, by the promise of a cancer free tomorrow... Hasbi Allah wa ne3mal.wakeel
Posted on: Tue, 19 Nov 2013 19:16:42 +0000
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