Love Doesn’t Hurt! “Love is joy. Don’t convince yourself that suffering is a part of it.” This is so beautiful and so true. I have been noticing a lot of unnecessary suffering around me lately in the area of relationships, from patients whose physical bodies become affected by dysfunctional relationships to friends who seem to be complaining about the same issues over and over again in their relationships. Suffering can be avoided, or at least short lived, with a shift in perception and understanding that yes, pain is inevitable in life, but the suffering part is truly optional and the power to end it is in our own hands. Taking responsibility for our part in the dysfunction gives us back the power to change our lives. Usually no one does anything to us or takes advantage of us without our permission. If you are in a relationship with someone that is causing you suffering, it may be time to stop and ask yourself what it is that is really causing you to suffer. Hint: it’s not love. Because…Love is not needy. Love is not insecure. Love is not jealous. Love is not angry. Love is not mean. Love is not vengeful. Love is not lonely. Love doesn’t lie or cheat. Love doesn’t leave us feeling neglected, used or like second best. Yet these feelings often get confused with love, hence the expression: “Love hurts”. It’s not love that hurts; it’s the loss of love or the fear of losing it that hurts. I believe, as Mastin so often says, that relationships are containers for growth, especially our most challenging ones. It’s the most challenging, earth shattering relationships which bring us to our knees that have the potential to propel us to our greatest heights. The most challenging ones will put our biggest insecurities and weaknesses under a microscope and show us where we need to grow. It’s only when we finally become aware of these weaknesses and learn what we need to learn that we can move on to a better more fulfilling relationship; sometimes it’s with the same person and sometimes it’s not. But when we don’t learn, we get caught up in the same unhealthy patterns over and over. Before we rush into relationships with other people, it’s important to nurture our most important relationship of all, which is the one with ourselves. Our relationships with other people are a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves. Fall in love with yourself and you won’t settle for a fraction of love from someone else. You will find yourself less tolerant of bad behavior. Neediness and loneliness will transform to self-fulfillment. If you are in a relationship that does not bring you joy, I invite you today to examine the role you have played in your current situation. How have you participated? What have you tolerated and continue to tolerate? And how can YOU change. Because by now you know you can’t change anyone’s behavior but your own, and sometimes that means, after doing all you can do, walking away. And that’s ok because the experience, self-knowledge and wisdom you have gained are priceless and will take you to places you may never have dreamed. However, you first need to be willing to walk the dark unseen parts of your path alone, but I assure you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In Love and in health,
Posted on: Wed, 20 Nov 2013 10:41:02 +0000
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