❤❤❤❤Love Is There, Even When It’s Gone.❤❤❤❤ ❤Kelly Radde❤ When I was just 7 years old, I had experienced things not all 7 year olds experience everyday. I had always been a happy little girl, thanks to my dad! We would play dolls, I would pretend to be his barber, we would cook together, and just have great bonding time. Some of our favorite things to do were gardening, fishing, and feeding the birds together. All of these things kinda turned around in 2009. My dad started getting very ill, in and out of the hospital multiple times a week. My sister and I would wake up to loud sirens, and then find out they were carrying our dad out the front door. We would go visit him in the hospital, but I couldn’t stand watching my dad suffer. My mom had to have meeting with nurses signing paper after paper for different meds and things for my dad. I would sit in the waiting room while my stomach turned. Wondering what they were talking about in the other room. My dad was in Hospes, and was on almost 22 medications a day. He was getting weaker and weaker every single day that passed by. Our babysitters were usually cousins that had to rush to our house at 3 in the morning. Most of the time, our babysitters couldn’t even cook mac and cheese! One day, my dad went into the bathroom to shave. I was sitting on my bedroom floor, playing with my Barbies. All of a sudden I heard a thud. I didn’t think of it at the moment that my dad had his voice box taken out years before due to cancer. He couldn’t talk unless he had his talker. I rushed down the hallway, and stopped just outside the bathroom door. I knocked and said, “Dad! Are you okay? Hang on dad! I’m going to run and get mom!” I ran outside as fast I could. “MOM!” I screamed, “Dad is hurt.” I started to cry, I was terrified. My mom rushed inside, into the bathroom. My dad was passed out on the bathroom floor. She tried to wake him up, but he wasn’t responding. “Kelly, get the phone!” My mom yelled. I sprinted through the house in search for a landline phone. I picked one up off of the kitchen T.V stand and dialed 911. I was crying but tried to stay calm. It was my first time calling 911, and hopefully my last. After answering all the questions that the EMT had for me. I stayed on the phone with them, talking about different things. I understood that she was trying to keep me calm. Within minutes, the police were at our front door. Once the emergency people got there, my mom got my dad to wake up. They needed to take my dad to the hospital to make sure he was okay, but he didn’t want to go. He went anyways. That was one of the scariest days of my life. They never did find out what made my dad randomly pass out on the bathroom floor. I was terrified to lose my dad, because he was the one to turn to when you need some advice. Not all 7 year olds say to themselves everyday, “This might be my last chance ever to let my dad know how much I love him.” I got to be one of those 7 year olds. I told my dad every single day that I love him, whether we were sitting in the hospital, at home, even over the phone. Every chance I got to talk to my dad was like buying me a puppy. It was so special to me. In early April of 2010, my dad was really down to his last point. He was so sick, he had a hard time doing things on his own, he was in the hospital on and off. We were waiting for the day to come, because we saw how much he was suffering. I was having problems in school because I was afraid to leave my dad. I would sit in school and think that when I get home my dad wouldn’t be there. It was the night of May 2nd, 2010. We were enjoying some time in a pool at American Inn with a family friend named Marj. I was in the pool, my mom and Marj were having a nice conversation, and my sister was in the hotel room waiting for the pizza. My moms phone rang and as soon as I saw her eyes fill with tears, I knew exactly what was going on. I got out of the pool and I started to cry. Marj grabbed me, and held me. She told me “Everything is going to be okay, your dad is safe now. He’s in heaven now.” I couldn’t help but to cry even harder. I had thoughts in my head and they made me sick. Things like “Seriously god, you really had to make my dad suffer like that? Now your making my mother and I suffer? Really?” I had thoughts like that everyday. I felt really sick that night, so I laid on my dads side of the bed. My mom had to call everyone, I just wanted to sleep. My uncle came into my parents bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed by me. “You know Kelly, your dad really loved you. He loved you alot.” My uncle kept talking while the tears slowly rolled down my face. We talked for a long, long time. At the end of our talk, he said words to me. Words that made me think that I have the best Uncle ever! He said, “ Kelly, your father gave me one job… One very important job.” It got really silent for a second or two. “Do you know what that one job is?” I shook my head. “He told me to take care of his girls. To love you, watch you grow, and spend time with you.” I smiled for the first time in days, because those were special words. I missed 2 months of school after that. I had a reason though. Losing your dad isn’t easy, especially when you didn’t even get to say goodbye. We had my dad cremated, and he got an Air Force plaque. We made a memorial garden that upgraded as the years went by. He didnt want a funeral, he wanted us to celebrate. He didnt want us to be sad that he wasnt there. He wanted us to have a celebration of life. That is exactly what we did. On May 17, 2010, we had his little party in remembrance of him. In Late June we took a trip to Missouri where he grew up, and spread his ashes in the cemetery that his parents and brother Charlie were buried in. While we were there, we had good times. We had bad times too. I asked my mom, “Mom, can I please spread some of dads ashes too?” I got to spread some of his ashed on the ground, over my uncle Charlies grave. That was a very special moment. Although it was hard to let my dad go, I know that he isnt suffering any more. Even though I cant see him, he’s still there, watching me grow up. To this day I love my dad with all my heart. Love is still there, even when its gone.
Posted on: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 02:25:47 +0000
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