MISCHIEF AIREGINIANA... I think it was about a year ago I got the broadcast message. It specifically noted a plot to kill all christians by poisoning oranges and watermelons. How would this feat be achieved? Well, by using a syringe to inject something something somewhere somewhere... Dont ask me how? We are creative whenever we need to be. Somehow, like I do with all nonsense SMS and broadcast messages, I delete and ignore. This was a bit hard to ignore though. That weekend, I had cause to visit an aunt and in my usual fashion, had bought loads of fruit. In my very before, by my very self, I had selected the fruit out of heaps and bunches, haggled until the fruit vendor was about to faint, paid and took the fruit to her house in a big basket... Vio, I hope you did not buy this fruit from Ndi Awusa o Okay, a thank you would have been brilliant, it was not forthcoming so it was best to key in along the lines she had initiated. Aunty mba. Why do you ask? Ahn ahn, you did not see the broadcast message? And she whipped out her phone and brandished the tired message. *sigh* But Aunty, are they going to refuse to sell to northerners and muslims? Will they poison the fruit after I have haggled or is the entire fruit in the shop pre poisoned? If yes Aunty, how long do you think the fruit will stay before it goes off? What if he takes a sh*t break and the person deputising on his behalf unknowingly sells the fruit to someone for whom it was not designed... And so on and so forth. As I asked, she kept going Hmmm, hmmm, Vio, it is better to be safe than sorry. Anyway, one year after and there have been no poisoned orange and watermelon deaths. Or maybe they died and their relatives were threatened not to mention cause of death or else... I also recall BBMs that would fly round saying, Baba Adeboye says we should all wear red and pray by 12 midnight daily for one week to symbolise the blood they are shearing in this land; and how Baba Adeboye would embarrassedly announce his ignorance of the origin of any such trash and his bewilderment that his name could be that misused. Scaremongering thrives best when there is panic in the land! Please I am available to be used to catch evulz suya sellers hiding poison in suya to catch innocent you and I. Just invite me, we will take a trip around Abuja and buy all the suya you would have eaten if you did not believe that silly, divisive broadcast making the rounds. I will then proceed to scientifically wack the suya on your behalf. That way, we can, by process of elimination, work out which suya is the tastiest, (sorry, that should read poisoned one), and which suya vendor did not chop his suya school fees (sorry, that should read is evulz)... PS: What do you think those who were killed in the various bomb blasts, etc could have done to prevent their deaths? Do you think they were more sinful than those who escaped? Less prayerful? Or just unfortunate victims of circumstance? In the right place at the wrong time? Think Aireginians, think! Stop spreading silly broadcast messages. If they have captured our minds and planted fear in us all have they also captured our small brains? Wey we dey take make yanga? Na hin be say the end don reash be dat!
Posted on: Mon, 07 Jul 2014 09:16:31 +0000