MODI AND RAHUL FACE TO FACE INTERVIEW by Sagarika (fake): Sagarika: In a Twitter survey I recently conducted on their preference for the next Prime Minister of India, 90% of them gave the same answer. What is it? Modi: Haha. That is easy. The answer is ‘Narendra Modi’. Sagarika: Wrong. 90% of them said ‘You are a bimbo’ or sentiments to that effect in more colorful words. 8% voted for [Modi] and 2% for Rahul Baba. Sagarika: Rahul baba, are you on Twitter? Rahul: No. Sagarika: Correct answer, Rahul baba. You are one Indian politician who really gets social media. —History Question— Sagarika: Who is my favourite freedom fighter? Modi: WTF yaar? How am I supposed to know? Nehru? Sagarika: Wrong! I adore him, but that’s not the answer. You would know if you gave a damn about the Indian freedom struggle, Mr.Modi. Sagarika: Rahul Baba, which Indian freedom fighter gave us the slogan “Freedom is my birthright and I shall have it”. Lokmanya Tilak or Dr.Manmohan Singh? Rahul: Hehe. Good one. Should be that Tilak guy. Although, to be true, Dr.Manmohan Singh also shouted that slogan at a party meeting recently and everybody laughed. Sagarika: Tilak is the correct answer, Rahul Baba. Only a true patriot understands the struggle for freedom. *Gives Modi a condescending look* —Economics Question— Sagarika: Modiji, what percentage of GDP does Benin spend on primary education? Modi: Who? Menon? Sagarika: Wrong answer. Gosh! do you know anything at all? How will you revive a crumbling economy with such little knowledge of the global economy? – Sagarika: Rahul baba, name an Indian Prime Minister with a PhD in Economics. Rahul: Dr.Manmohan Singh Sagarika: Correct, again. Clearly shows not only your understanding of economics but also the sacrifice you once made to let an economist PM to run Indian economy. —Constitution Question— Sagarika: How many words are there in the Preamble of the Indian Constitution? Modi: What? How is that important? Sagarika: That’s because you don’t believe in the Indian Constitution, Mr.Modi. For us common folks, it is important. Every word of the Constitution is gold for us. Now answer the question. Modi: I don’t know. 75? Sagarika: Wrong. Unbelievable, you are. Modi: What’s the correct answer? Sagarika: I don’t know. I tried counting many times but kept losing count mid-way. It’s so difficult, ya. But then I am not the one looking to become the next PM, am I, Mr. Non-Believer Modi? – Sagarika: Rahul baba, Who piloted the draft Constitution in the Constituent Assembly? Raja Ram Mohan Roy or Dr. Ambedkar Rahul: Never heard of the first one. So, I am going with Dr.Ambedkar Sagarika: Correct Rahul Baba. It shows your complete trust in our Constitution. *Gives Modi another condescending look* —Governance Question— Sagarika: Andhra Pradesh government has this year launched ‘Bangaru Thalli Scheme’. What is it for? Modi: Come on, yaar. I don’t even know what that means. Ask me about Central government schemes or Gujarat schemes. Sagarika: Modiji, don’t change the topic. Answer the question. Modi: Scheme for exporters? Sagarika: Wrong. You and your pro-rich pro-business mentality. Bangaru Thalli means ‘golden girl’. It is ‘a welfare scheme that supports the BPL family of a girl from her birth till her graduation. – Sagarika: Rahul Baba, Indira Awaz Yojana is named after which former PM of India? Rahul: ummmm…Dadhi maa? Sagarika: Brilliant. You knowledge of governance is astounding. —IQ Question— Sagarika: Modiji, If I am going from Delhi to Calcutta for Diwali, which train will take lesser time? Rajdhani Express at 80KMPH or Junta Express at 40KMPH? Modi: Rajdhani Express. Sagarika: Wrong again. I don’t go to Calcutta for Diwali. I go for Durga Puja. Clearly, you have no IQ, Mr.Modi. – Sagarika: Rahul Baba, If India has 28 states and a new State of Telangana is carved out of Andhra Pradesh, how many States will there be in India? Rahul: 29 Sagarika: Brilliant! Correct answer, Rahul Baba. Your IQ is off the charts. —Secularism Question— Sagarika: What is the word for Secularism in Latin? Modi: Hain? I don’t know. Sagarika: I knew it. I knew it. Horrible communal fellow, you are. – Sagarika: Rahul Baba, how many letters are there in the word Secularism? 1 or 10. Rahul: Come on yaar. That is too easy. 10. Sagarika: Brilliant Rahul baba. I always fully believed in your secular credentials. —Environment Question— Sagarika: If temperature rises by 2 degrees celsius by the end of this century, what percentage of ice on Antarctica will melt? Modi: I don’t know. *resignation and defeat writ all over his face* Sagarika: Of course. Shouldn’t really expect a selfish man like you to care much for our environment. – Sagarika: Rahul baba, are summers hotter than winters? Rahul: Yes. Sagarika: Correct answer. Wish other wanna-be PMs cared as much as you for environment. —Foreign Policy Question— Sagarika: Name the capital of Samoa? Modi: WTH, man! *getting angry* I don’t know. Aloo? Sagarika: Not Samosa, Mr.Modi. Samoa. Answer is Apia. You not only possess no knowledge of tiny island nations but you also have a condescending attitude towards them. Attributes that are not suitable for a PM. – Sagarika: Rahul baba, name two neighbouring countries. Rahul: Pakistan and Bangladesh. Sagarika: Correct. *tears welling in her eyes* Your knowledge of foreign policy is profound. —Inclusive Development Question— Sagarika: Yesterday, I made poha. But I added one special ingredient which no one else does. What is it? Modi: How the f*ck am I supposed to know that yaar? *getting very angry* babaji ka thullu? Sagarika: Wrong. The answer is ‘A small cup of Old Monk’. Only a truly inclusive politician will understand the needs of all his people. Modi: WTF, man! What kind of person puts Old Monk in Poha? Sagarika: Stop talking out of turn Mr. non-inclusive Modi! – Sagarika: Rahul Baba, which of the following words start with an ‘I’? Inclusive or Divisive? Rahul: Easy. Inclusive, of course. Sagarika: Correct answer. Ah! The way you say ‘Inclusive’ just blows my mind, Rahul Baba. You are just like your great grandfather, Nehru.
Posted on: Sat, 05 Oct 2013 06:58:49 +0000
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