................................. MONOGAMY VS POLYGYNY ................................. According to the seerah, when the cream of mecca, khadijah bint khuwaylid r.a, the sealed nectar and the pristinely ungifted chaste woman sent a proposal through her friend to the prophet salallahu alayhi wasaallam, it was the beginning of a long line of a marital encounters in the household of the unlettered prophet. This post seeks to address the advantages that polygyny has over monogamy. The word versus as used above doesnt mean its a match or play-thing. This is no mockery of the injunctions of Allah. The prophet said, there are 4 women who are the best in the world: khadija, assiyah, maryam and fatimah radiallahu anhuma. These women are the ones who were almost perfect in xter, words and deeds. They never scoled their husbands nor nag or display all this little feminine trouble. Apart from this women, every other woman in the world are with reasonable level of imperfections, flaws and other ill traits e.t.c. The prophet p.b.u.h didnt marry any other woman until khadija died. Look at the rivalry and jealousy that took place in d house of the messenger of Allah, thats bcos of their normal feminine nature yet they were among the best of women, they are our mothers and they still exceeded the women of today in knowlledge, ibadah, deeds and other attributes. They never insulted eachother or fight eachother, they never got envious of eachother or made eachother shed tears for even once bcos their husband (the best man, best teacher, best husband, best father, best worshipper, most romantic man, best orator, best grandfather and most handsome man) was able to maintain and manage their rivalry. He was so perfect that he never made any woman shed tears even though he had over 10 wives but today a man may have only one wife yet he makes her cry almost everyday. Allah gave the wiives of the prophet an option to leave him but yet they choose to live and die with him despite the hardship and hunger they were tested with in the house of the prophet, they preferred polygyny than monogamy. Most of the companions married more than one woman. Infact more and more women kept proposing to the prophet hoping to be his wife. Those days, women competed for polygyny, but today, women do not even want to hear poly let alone gyny. Oh my sisters, if only you realize the rahma and barka that Allah wishes to grant you in a polygamous atmosphere that is absent in monogamy, if only you know, you will beg your husband to go and take a co-wife. The greatest test of sisterhood comes in polygyny. Firstly, in monogamy, you have to do everything alone: you stay at home most of the time all alone (except if Allah blesses u with kids), you cook all alone, you have to cook 3 times every day, you go to the market alone, do the chores alone, everyday you go to bed tired with pain from different parts of your body, thats when your husband too will be asking you for intimacy, today headache, tomorrow body ache, another day, fever, you clean the cobwebs alone, fetch water alone, when he travels u feel lonely at home, e.t.c. But in polygyny: its a full-house, no dulling, you dont feel lonely, even when your husband travels you are not alone bcos u co-wives are with you, you go out strolling together, you go to the market together, you go to the masjid to pray holding hands along the way together, you teach eachother Quran at home together, you learn ahadith together, you compete in hifz together, you buy gifts for eachother from time to time, you play some games at home together attimes, you go racing together attimes, you advice eachother, correct each others mistake, take eachothers kids to school, attend sisters circle together, organize quiz among yourselves, cook together in the kitchen together, learn eachothers tribal lanuage, divide the chores among yourselves and finish it sharp-sharp, at night, you wont feel tired or exhausted bcos you did all days work with the help of your co-wives. Lets just make an example- as a monogamus wife, one day, you may have 4 schedules (shopping, going to market, plaiting your hair and repairing your car) and you have to do all these in one day, as an only wife, you go and make your hair first, from there you go for shopping In the supermarket, from there you go to market to buy ingredients then u finally go to repaiir ur car, then u spend several hourss outside and finally return home exhaisted, then you have to start cooking the things u bought so that your husband will not return home and get mad at you. You start cooking amidst headache, the pepper makes you cough, the onion makes you cry, the smoke makes u shed tears and maybe u eventually make a slight mistake in d food, when ur husband tastes it, he gets angry and goes to a restaurant to eat instead. SubhanAlllah, after all the wahala u did all alone, your husband did not still eat. Now u feel like crying too. Now lets analyze this same scenario in a polygamous setting: there are 4 wives and there are 4 things to do (shopping, plaiting hair, market and servicing of the car). You all divide the task among yourselves before leaving the house, you all go out in one car with one of you driving the car, you all are well dressed and on nikab too, even the one who is driving. Lets assume the one who is driving is umm hindiah, the second one is umm kissmah, the third is umm faiz and the fourth is umm awlaki. Umm hindiah then drives you all, drops umm kissmah at the saloon, drops umm faiz at the market and drops umm awlaki at the supermarket for shoppin then takes the car for servicing at the mechanics place. As soon as she is through, she takes the car again, picks umm kissmah from the saloon, picks umm faiz from the supermart and picks umm awlaki from the market and they all go home. Within 2hrs they are back home (instead of the monogamous woman who spent 6hrs doing all these tasks), on getting home, maybe just one of them will be tired, the 3 others will quickly start cooking: this one cutting the vegetables, this one grinding the pepper, this one boiling the meat e.t.c. This is division of labour. Even if one person was to make mistake in the food, others can easily notice it and correct it. When their husband returns, he eats a sweet, scintilating meal of his life. This is the sweetness of polygyny !!!! What a rahma and barka that Allah has bestowed on polygynous homes. Marriage is not a bed of roses, its a bed of sacrifice. And this happily ever after of a things is a western concept. Erase it from your mindset. Its natural that misunderstandings happen both in mongamy and polygyny, whichever one u prefer, u will still meet crisis. It all depends on d kind of person u marry and ur co-wives. The prophet was abble to manage conflict in his house. Once, umm salama came to complain about aisha r.a, the prophet said to her, do not harm me by hurting aisha (sahih bukhari) ........ What a sweet phrase and way of resollving disputes. As for those women who hate polygyny with passion, think about this: it may be that u are married today, and u prevent ur husband from taking anoda wife, remember, ur husband may suddenly die, u become a widow, things may become too rough for u and ur kids to even feed, then u now start prayin for Allah to grant u a husband even if its an already married man, by then, u wil now find urself at the mercy of another married woman who may refuse or accept u as a mathna. Such is life. What goes around comes around. Sisters, do not hijack and monopolize your husband alone, love for your sisters, what you love for yourself. It may even be that the amount of freedom and lesire u wil get from ur polygynous home will be better than d one u will got in your fathers roof bcos its not everyday u have to cook, not everyday u sweep, not everyday u go to the market e.t.c. May Allah grant us that which is best for us, amin
Posted on: Sun, 07 Sep 2014 09:51:42 +0000
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