MY BIRTHDAY REFLECTIONS FOR 2014... I am very overwhelmed and humbled by the countless birthday salutes this week, by the many people who donated to @StJude the hospital and research center for kids with cancer, as my personal birthday request, since it is the charity I am supporting this year as I prepare to run my first New York City Marathon in November. Between my birthday in 2013 and the one this week life has been no joke, to say the least. People have come and gone in my life, I have had beautiful small victories, have made many many mistakes, and Ive learned or re-learned profound life lessons, had a few bridges burned, and burned some bridges myself. But all of it has been very necessary because a lot of people have no idea, except for very close friends of mine like April R. Silver, what I have been through, personally, professionally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, the past 3-5 years, that took some serious time to heal from. Heck, I am still healing, truth be told. There have been ugly betrayals, relationship heartbreaks, financial ruin and rebuilding, pitiful business situations, two computers crashing at the most unfortunate moments, and more than I can say here. This is perhaps why the writing of my 12th book, this memoir of my life, has been so difficult to write, why I have often had nightmares during the course of the past few months as I have relived my childhood, my up-and-down relationship with my mother, the pain of my absent father (and just discovering him and his family in the past 6-8 months, which I am still very much processing, which will take much time, truth be told....), the violence that which is the poverty I was born into, right through my escape from my hometown of Jersey City, through college, MTV, Vibe, September 11th, Hurricane Katrina, my election campaigns for Congress here in New York City, and so many other things I could not have imagined in my life as a little boy who thought he would be stuck in the ghetto forever. Yeah a birthday, to me, is a time to reflect. I am not interested in only celebrating my life. I am interested in celebrating all life, all lives, and figuring out how we can move the entire human race forward. Weve got so much work to do yall, to heal ourselves, to heal our communities, to heal this planet. If there are a few things Ive learned in the past year, since the last birthday, they are these things: Love in all forms truly matters, including the necessity of self love. We have to learn how to forgive ourselves and each other and not just cast folks aside or discard them or write them off completely if they make a mistake, for it says a lot about us when we do that. Yes sometimes we may need to keep some distance because of our own life wounds and traumas which may have been triggered by someone hurting us in the present, but to never forgive is to never grow and to never heal. We must practice honesty in every single thing we do; it does not have to be in a public way but it should be a constant in our lives, to live with integrity, to be transparent, to understand the best way to honor and respect ourselves is to be honest with ourselves, always, even when it aint comfortable to do so. We need to be very good with the fact that not everyone will get or understand us, that we will be misunderstood, misinterpreted, and in some cases purposely re-defined by others who either do not want to know us as whole human beings, or are fearful of who we are because we choose to be free in a way that makes them uncomfortable; that is their issue, not yours, so please be free, in every single thing you do, in the ways that make you happy and that you know best. Never never never let anyone put you in a box, or put labels on you as a way to control you, to dictate the direction of your life; do not accept people only defining you by your past or by past actions, as if you are the same person today that you were yesterday; you are not, especially if you have put in the time and effort to change and evolve; reject those attitudes and mindsets immediately and often and do not allow them to become a part of you; only you can say who you are, no one else. Follow the great passions of your life and in doing so you will come to the great purposes of your life: I am in love with writing, with public speaking, with helping people, all people, with being an activist, a public servant, with giving to and back every single day of my life; I have tried many other things, including very recently, and I have found great misery when I have deviated from the path God, her, put me on; once you find your path stay on it, even if you are the only one walking that path at times. Makes me think of the many runs I have been on the past year as I have gotten back into running as a form of exercise: I did one run in Washington, D.C., through I think Rock Creek Park area, and for miles I saw no one in that wooded area and I got mad antsy; then I thought to myself that this solo run, at this moment, is like your life, sometimes youve had to go it alone, to learn how to do so, and others will run with you for sure, and you with them, but the worst thing you can do right now is get off this path simply because you see no one else. Also, I made a conscious decision years back to learn a couple of new things every single year of my life, however long or short it will be, and to add new people to my life every year, too, no matter how old or young. In the past year alone I have learned as much from my assistant who was born in the 1990s as I have from those of my generation born in the 1960s and 1970s. Wisdom is wisdom no matter where it comes from. But we must be open to it. Mental health is critical: I have battled sadness, depression, in other chapters of my life and I can say I am happier now than I have been in at least 20 years. But I had to make a deep investment in my mental health, think long and hard about the people I had in my life, the scenarios I placed myself in, and why, and free myself from that which made me miserable. Not a very easy thing to do, trust me. But there is something to the @Pharrell song HAPPY, why it has touched a nerve WORLDWIDE. It is a very basic human emotion we all desire but which seems so elusive. Why? Because, I feel, many of us do not realize we must work toward happiness, that it does not just happen. And it requires a shift in our mentality, too, how we speak, the words we use to describe ourselves, each other, the spaces we are in. Finally, I think about my mother. If there was no her there would be no me. The other day I had an exchange with someone on twitter, a healthy and necessary exchange; the person who proposed, as I have heard numerous times in my life, that single mothers cannot raise boys to manhood. Was it mighty difficult for my mother to do so? Without question. But my mother did it, and I owe to her my life, which is why every birthday she is the first person I call to say thank you for having me, for raising me. And then my mother goes into her storytelling without prompting, and in her words I see forever why and how I became a writer. Because I have heard these stories about my South Carolina family as long as I can remember, and they never get old. Indeed, I hear new things and new messages each and every time my mother shares them with me. And whether my mother realizes it or not I am getting something deeper from her family storytelling: that I come from a long line of people who, against great odds, have survived the harshest of life circumstances. And here we are. And here I am....
Posted on: Fri, 25 Apr 2014 11:45:54 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015