Magnesium tablets yummmmmmm :( just thinking about them makes me feel like vomiting! They are really awful! I try chewing them with sweets, a nice tasting drink after, plain water.......nothing works, the sweets help, but not fix. Ive been ok last few days, worn out, kids been too busy to notice, and Boxing Day with their dad meant I was able to chill, and have a fab roast beef dinner at my Aunts house, (Dads sister) it was lovely seeing my cousins as they popped in after we had eaten.......er that is, what I saw of them other than the insides of my eyelids, I spent the afternoon on the sofa after my dinner, mum and dad and Grandmother, together talking cousins telling about their Christmas and I missed most of it. As evening came, it was time to eat again, picky food! I love, love, love, and carefully I choose no soft cheeses, which is ok I am not a fan, the meat was straight from the fridge, fresh fruit salad yummmmmmmm I have to say Aunty V makes the best fruit salad! Best Ive ever had....and she know I love it :) no clotted cream for me now, thats it, I had my fix before Christmas. Sorry but no other cream is a replacement and that synthetic sugary rubbish bakers use! O.M.G really! Any way Boxing Day was restful, and enjoyable, watched Christmas Cracker with Bradley Walsh, the snow falling outside.......and the big proposal on TV.........goes blank just as he popped the question lol! Christmas Day, was Awesome, my girls and nephew had slept in a room together in the floor, in the study, it was like camp! Fairy lights lit, Santa stop here sign.....all excited......Mackenzie finally went to sleep at 12! We decorated the tree and before we were able to grab the bits tried to wrap and put under tree and at 10:30 she says she cant sleep! So she helped dress the tree which hadnt been done because of no chance, finally she was told go to bed, 02:30 we all went to bed for Mackenzie to wake at 04:30! She was told to go to sleep, and finally at 07:30 3 very excited children woke up! My youngest, fast asleep, I had to go and say Santa has been.....Santa has been to which she pulled the sleeping bag over her head and snuggled down hahaha! I had to scoop her up and say Again, Santa has been! She wiped her eyes and then the excitement came across her face! My parents walked in from the motorhome, and said there was special snow outside, near the door! That Santa must have been, the reindeer must have found the special dust thrown out for them! The day was exhausting! It was exciting and most of all the children had a lovely day, what more could we want, the garden chairs, the spare table, and all eating dinner together, Madison not a meat lover is allowed her favourite food on Christmas Day, its the only day of the year shes allowed to not have what we have and encouraged to try a bit of it. After all, if you cant have your fav food Christmas day, when can you? So like most families, we ate, we drank we didnt stop! Finally, kids in bed we all flopped and chilled. Here were are now day after Boxing Day, I spent at the in-laws, chilled today, ate...again home made chips mmmmmmmmm. No cold meat this time, I am over cautious maybe, but I do not take the chance, if its not that days I dont eat it. If its not thawed in fridge, I dont eat it, if I has raw egg, soft cheese, lives in a shell, I dont eat it. Its only for a few months. And why take the chance? Ive spent Christmas in hospital, its no fun, even if the staff are wonderful, its depressing, and all I wanted was to be home with my children, healthy and well. I in some ways cant believe its back, yet in others, I guess I always knew it would. It wasnt really a surprise, but I was still in a bit of shell shock, everything steamed ahead so fast, I hardly had time to take note of what was happening. Before I knew it, 8 days of diagnoses I am under knife again for a PORTACATH smiths-medical/catalog/implantable-ports/port-cath-implantable-venous.html. Then 4 days after that I have my first round of chemo Monday 22nd Dec. That was 6 days ago, on Monday it will be 8, and I once more need to go back, have bloods, have chemo, this time it will only take a short while. That will be round one complete. In just over two weeks, I will have round two! All day on day one, hopefully I will tolerate it a bit faster, but if last time is anything to go by, I couldnt, it made me sick. Time will tell. I was told this time I shouldnt be to sick, I dont know if its association or what, but I am being sick! Only a little, but, the taste is there, the feeling of yuk, and I try to eat anyway, I feel sick if I dont eat, I feel sick if I do eat, so I eat, sometime if manage a meal, other times just light snack. I am not keen on sweet stuff, I prefer savoury, and right now this is heightened. Its like being pregnant! I think I recall that description last time. Only there is no lovely bundle to hold at the end....actually I guess thats not true is it....at the end I get to hold my three precious bundles, thats the whole point of this isnt it. The fight, I fight for my daughters, no matter how I feel, its not about me, my daughters need a mother, and for them I will always fight, I will always be there, I will always put them first. Thats what mums do, right! I am not looking forward to Monday at all. The very thought of returning already is filling me with dread, sickness and more dread. And the fact I will hardly get a break before the next lot! It feels like I am having everything thrown at me! Which is a good thing, I know, the fact that the specialists out there have the faith in me I will fight this, so here, have this, have that! You WILL get better, no ifs or buts you WILL be better and hopefully for good this time. I had a confidential note sent to me saying how a wife had a returning ovarian cancer, it was many, many years ago, and they wanted me to know there was hope, because still after all this time, she is well. So, you see, not all is lost. We can defy the odds! We can beat the blasted disease, we can take control. Everyday there is a new find, all the time new ways, be it through breaking through genetics, new treatments of chemo, Maybe its life style, I try to eat organic now where possible, I have since I had cancer last time, even tried (and still) growing it myself! Well this has been a really long blogg, sorry if your asleep......sometimes they do go on, like always I type as I think, as it comes to my head, thats why you all seem to like this page so much, its real, its from the heart, it...just is. I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, remembered the important things in life, what really matters, have no regrets, its the same in life as it is with your body....if it needs sorting...sort it, if it needs checking....check it. If its on your mind, tell someone. Keep putting off the things we dont want to do, doesnt solve anything, just puts off, but eventually we all have to surface. Right, love to you all, Merry Christmas, 2014 xx
Posted on: Sat, 27 Dec 2014 23:35:12 +0000
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