Man Alive Goin’ Cyber Many of our children and young people today are known as ‘digital natives’. It is like they have been born to use computers and technology. They have grown up not fearing technology, but instead wanting to play with it, happily pressing buttons to see what they do. As computers and computer technology become more and more a part of our lives, and with systems becoming more integrated in with each other new boundaries and new frontiers open up before us. This also means unknown territory. Much study has already been conducted into this brave new world that we are already deeply into but probably only understand a fraction of at this stage. For instance, the question of, is it good for us? This, of course, is a highly subjective question. However, consider this. The quality of our communication is determined by the way in which we communicate. Roughly speaking, 10% of our communication is our words, 30% is our tone of voice, and 60% is our body language or our physical presence. This means that when we are speaking to someone face-to-face, we probably have around 100% quality of communication. Consider then the popular mediums of email, Facebook, texting, and other text based communication. While these can be great mediums for communicating with one another, they can often get overused. How often have we had difficult conversations to have, and instead of talking it through, we instead resort to sending an email or a text. The thought of facing the person to say what we really think or feel may become overwhelming, and so we do what has to be done, but without having to see the other person’s reaction. In some cases this may mean that we can become… insensitive… in our language. Maybe hurried or clumsy. Now the meaning of our communication is in how it is received. That’s right, it’s not what we say or do, or how cleverly we say it, but in how it is received by the person we are wanting to communicate with. So what happens when the person on the other end receives our beautifully, or clumsily, worded email, inbox, or text? Jump back to the percentages. The person reading the email only gets 10% of the quality of the communication. So what happens to the other 90%? It comes from assumption. And assumptions come from whatever mood that we are feeling at the time. If we are feeling angry, or lousy, hurt, or threatened, then even the most neutral of emails or texts may be interpreted in a negative manner. We can so often use our moods to fill in the blanks for us. So when we receive the ‘negative’ text, we can feel hurt, or angry, or self-righteous. We can start to interpret more and more in a spiral of doom, the walls closing in as the information we receive challenges our wellbeing. The answer for many of us is to retaliate. To let them have it. To put the little so-and-so back in their place. Then, we send a nastier text back. Or we might become avoidant, and not respond to the email. I also find it interesting that we now live in a culture where we just accept that if we send our message out into the ether, we simply expect the other person to respond. Interesting how our information systems can start running our lives, rather than the other way around. If I could offer some words of advice, avoid at all costs having an argument via text message. There is very little chance of it turning out well, especially without leaving scars. So switch on, by all means. Text and email away to your heart’s content. But if you really want to connect with someone, then try talking to them face-to-face. Sometimes it may feel more challenging to do so, but you will feel better for it. Paul Stewart is a Personal Coach with Compassion Coaching Coaching: compassioncoaching.au, and also supports the inSight Men’s Circle, run through Hopelink: 07 4979 3626.
Posted on: Fri, 06 Sep 2013 07:05:39 +0000