Man-cave By James Hayes Some times a man needs a place to retreat to in times of attack from stress related issues, A man-cave of isolation for regeneration, all men know what Im talking about, the in-laws show up unannounced. The grandkids though we love them with all our heart and souls, parents get amnesia and forget where they left them; I could go on for days with reasons to use such a place. Clark Kent had one and he was a superman. Surely an ordinary man like me could find use for one. So I set out to find my man cave, it had to be a place close to home in case I had to change into my alter ego and save someone in the family. So I thought long and hard, I pondered over it for days and than it hit me, the upstairs bathroom! It was perfect, and I wasnt being unreasonable, there was another bathroom downstairs, and nothing wrong with it, it was perfect for them. They didnt have to tackle all those stairs, it was close, it was larger, and the whole family could fit in there at one time if they had to. Yes I was doing them a favour no one had to think or make a choice of which one to use. Of course there were some minor drawbacks, like when Uncle John would call over and had finished the piece of food on the table, all hell it was pretty much the same foul disgusting odour no matter what he ate. And Aunt Mary removing her teeth every time she washed her hands, leaving them their on the sink looking at you as if they were ready to chomp down on you at any moment. But these were minor issues that would have to be worked out. So I put my plan into motion, I had to make some minor adjustments myself. So I waited for the bank-holiday to test my man-cave, it was the mother of all reasons to retreat to my haven; the dreaded family were coming around. I had forgotten it was my turn to host this grand event. We cooked, we served everyone, well my wife did, but I did more than my share of smiling listening to great uncle Bills stories of the troubles. They ended in the 20s. According to my uncle it would have ended early if some idiot had allow him to leave his post as the Vickers gun operator and go to the rear and use the latrine. Instead uncle bill had to make a choice and leave his gun and use a hole in the ground, of course that was around the time the enemy walked through the narrow gap, thus gave the enemy enough food and munitions to keep them going, how long it would have lasted, who knows, and thats another story. Where was I? Oh now I remember the man-cave. I guess by now you can see why this man-cave was necessary to me. So I faked a sick tummy and informed the family I would be right back, but my wife was no daw, she knew what I was up to. So after a half-hour, which was generous I must say, she came knocking. I refused to answer for a few seconds hoping she would go away. Well that didnt happen, after all it was my side of the family. She cursed and threaten and called me everything that one could never put in writing, but I sat fast. I refused to open the door as I set on my throne sipping on an ice cold beer. Which I had conveniently removed from the small fridge, I had secretly installed in the closet under the stairs. It was a perfect fit and was concealed by all that never gets used. Then I heard her yell out for my Uncle Mick, Mr Lock-smith him-self. He was 80 years old and still working. He had a 26 year old girlfriend and getting around better than me. He drove his locksmith van every where he went, he even drove it to my cousin funeral. I guess he thought someone at the cemetery might want to get out.(joke) For the next three hours I heard him working on the door, the whole family must have been out there. At last I heard his 26-year-old girlfriend say, its ok, a 99.9 % record was still good. As I slipped back down into the comforted of the toilet seat, I smiled admiring the camouflaged reinforced titanium steel door, frame and X3620 lock I had installed by one of those annoying door to door salesmen who pop up at your door with useless products for sale. You know the one the wife always seems to let the dog out in the yard when she sees them coming. I think she was out shopping for God knows what that day... All men should have a man-cave...
Posted on: Wed, 06 Nov 2013 19:33:50 +0000
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