Managing Communication During Conflict Irma Tyler-Wood You‘ve all heard the saying, "A picture is worth a thousand words." I want to share with you a picture that‘s a very powerful way to help a leader or any individual manage conflict in a constructive way. As you look at this picture and you put this picture in front of the people you‘re working with who are in conflict, ask them the following questions and this will lead the group to a very constructive way of addressing the conflict. The first question is simply: Why are these people (the people in this picture) having trouble agreeing on the issue that‘s on the table? And wait for the group to begin to share their answers. And they will tell you a lot about, “Well, they‘re seeing it from different perspectives." "They are looking at it from a different point of view.” And that leads you to the next question: Why do they each see the same issue so differently? And that brings up the issue of culture, role, education, training, experience -- all the things that shape how we see an issue or a situation when conflict emerges. This is important because the tendency for people who are in conflict is to demonize the other person as stupid, inflexible, rigid or crazy, when in fact each of us is so shaped by the cultures and experience and the background we bring that all of us have the same phenomenon going on when conflict emerges. Then you ask that group: Now, what advice would you give this group if you‘re going to help them communicate more effectively? And the group will virtually generate on its own without any background, “Here are the effective things I would advise this group to do to manage their conflict effectively.” So here‘s what some of their advice should look like and probably will include. The goal in using this tool is not to resolve the conflict; the goal is to get clear about what the conflict is and the problem is and to understand people‘s perceptions. So the advice then is to allow each person to present their perception without interruption or challenge. That‘s very hard to do when people feel strongly about an issue. They want to interrupt, put their view forward, challenge. But if you‘re facilitating: no interruptions, no challenges. The second thing to do is once that person has presented their picture, whether it‘s a 3, an E or an M, then the listeners may ask questions to get a better understanding of why that person sees the situation as they do. Now, you have to be careful if you‘re facilitating because as a lawyer, I was trained to ask questions to get the answers I want, which amounts to interrogating and intimidating. You want questions that are genuine inquiry, people really making an effort to understand. Third ground rule or piece of advice I would give is listeners may not attack, debate or belittle another‘s perceptions. This is critical because when people feel safe to express what they‘re really seeing and feeling, all the information you need to resolve the conflict is likely to come out. Now, once you‘ve got all four of those people, and it could be six or twenty, after everybody fully understands the perceptions, then they are willing and able to talk about, “Well, you know, John, I understand what you‘re talking about, but there may be some facts and data that you aren‘t aware of that I want to share with you. And in fact, John, you may have some facts and data that would be important for me to understand.” And then people are ready to move on to solving the problem. This is a very simple tool, but it is universal with regard to culture, background and experience. Everyone gets immediately why the conflict is likely be there and what to do to begin to resolve it.
Posted on: Mon, 07 Oct 2013 03:30:00 +0000
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