Many cultures have used spanking to discipline their kids..Maybe we as Black folks did this during slavery to protect the kids from the master and all that but lets be real, that Master was beating his kids as well.. Have we not forgotten that white women and children were seen and treated as property of men all the way up to the 20th century? Have we forgotten history where child labor laws had to be put in place in the 20th century because white kids were not only being made to work in factories at super young ages but were also routinely being beaten? How many damn Charles Dicken type history books were we made to read where that fact was drummed in our heads? Lets keep that 100..America has never loved its kids.. Thats a fact.. I think far too many of us watch too many comedy shows and got this whole nostalgia thing jumping off about how our moms, dads and all the neighbors would make us pick out a switch to beat our asses if we got out of line? What comedy routine have we not heard this?? Its a standard joke.. Then we heard all the dissing of Time Out and other new age methods advocated by then popular doctor Benjamin Spock who wrote all those parenting books about giving kids more freedom..he was the one who talked about how hitting kids would lead to more violence and that too many wives and kids were being abused.. hence he wanted parents to talk it out.. That method was juxtaposed with this notion about how wild white kids under that being raised like that were turning out.. The big joke in the Black community was how white kids would talk back call parents by their first names and act crazy and how such things would never be tolerated in Black households..We would remark how Black parents would never do some time out BS.. Sad to say the cultural thing passed down were these comedy routines and us believing all sorts of stereotypes. Stereotype 1 white families dont beat their kids.. They do.. They did in my neighborhood..Italians, Russians, Irish etc. I think folks have forgotten what routinely went on at Catholic schools. The ones in my neighborhood had crazy head nuns who handed out spankings and slaps on the wrists routinely.. Irish and Italians kids going to those schools were getting spanked all the time by teachers and parents.. There was no time out in the Bronx...in the 1970s.. I do know this when the head nun sister Patricia at my sisters school St Gabriels tried laying hands on my sister, my moms went down there to lay hands on that nun..All that talk about neighbors getting in your butt was out the window when that nun tried to hit my sister with a ruler which was commonplace at her school. That head nun didnt feel she did anything wrong.. In her mind all kids get hit with rulers..Thats how they been doing it.. That tradition was broken that day..There would be no ruler beatings. There were several other Black kids at that school and from what I recall their parents was allowing no beatings either.. Stereotype 2.All Black families beat their kids and this supposedly keeps us in line.. First, many Black parents including this one doesnt lay hands on the kids. Getting whupped has not resulted in everyone getting in line.. Plenty of knuckleheads running around town who been beat all upside their head and wont think twice about crossing the line and acting ill.. And yes, I do get the logic that Black folks felt a need to go extra hard to keep the kids in line for fear of them being singled out an penalized by an unforgiven society who would harshly judge them. for having rowdy kids.. But again lots of folks do this. U dont think Asian, Latinos, Arab families arent pulling out switches or chaunklahs on their kids?? Some of them do it because they dont want their kids to stand out and embarrass the family, some do because thats how the hell they always did it..If you think otherwise I say get out in the world and lets stop acting like we the only ones on planet earth.. With all that being said, tradition or not, Adrian Peterson in 2014 beating a child at 4 the way he did was INEXCUSABLE. He may have done it out of love or had poor judgement, but it was INEXCUSABLE.. Luckily the child has a mom who wasnt trying to hear that and alerted someone.. Are we forgetting the child has a mother..?? He has a parent who cares. The fact that Peterson already lost a child who was beaten to death shouldve made him think twice.. What do we need going forward? Ideally we need conflict resolution classes, relationship classes and parenting classes in all our schools. Folks need to be having these discussions at young ages so folks can discuss, learn options and be better informed as they grow up. Some of these cycles need to be broken.. The NFL with their billions of dollars should be springing for some of those classes, starting with their players.. In the meantime, why dont we all get in the habit of exchanging parenting tips on Facebook and other social media forums Instead of going on about how all of us got beat when we were kids and thus it needs to continue.. Why dont we discuss and share ways to help better engage our kids..Perhaps there are some culturally unique experiences and understanding we as Black folks have that needs to fleshed out and highlighted.. Perhaps there are some universally agreed upon things.. Maybe some of the wisdom we collectively have wouldve given a guy like Peterson and other parents some sound choices.. We should be discussing how we are dealing with toddlers, middle school kids, high school kids etc.. and we should be honest and open... Instead of harking back to slavery, how about we explore what child rearing was like before we were enslaved We can start discussing about where we went parenting to go moving forward in 2014... Conversations dont have to be big drawn out debates about whether one should spank or not to spank.. It could be about the ways parents are dealing with all sorts of things from bullying, zero tolerance, kids high on sugar, kids who watch too much TV, kids who live in separate households, kids traumatized by gun shots and violence, kids with parents in jail, the list goes on.. Lastly I will say this.. It takes time and energy to deal with kids.. Sometimes you need control, quick fast and in hurry because youre late for work, your child is putting themselves in danger or testing you, I can see how folks would say Time Out and Talking it out aint the move vs a swat on the butt..I can see folks wanting to lock shyt down quickly especially after you repeated yourself umpteen times But if you really think about it, what many are faced with is a society that that really doesnt allow parents to be parents in this sense. Our time belongs to the state or corporations more than it does to the kids you are raising. For many adequate time and resources are scarce..Thats a serious problem,thats gotta change.. Child care, baby sitting, preschool, good healthcare, decent living space are all expensive beyond most peoples means and has stressed out far too many parents who love their kids and feel crappy that they cant provide what they ideally would see as basics.. Parents should not be getting in over their head financially because preschool, child care is costing them more than a damn mortgage. Most parents who are holding down 2 and 3 jobs barely have time for themselves much less their kids in a real meaningful way..many are not given days off especially when we have companies sub contracting workers.. In short miss a day, you miss pay.. I seen some who had kids and were forced to be back at work 3 weeks later.. Meanwhile others who have means may take off a couple of years.. How and why is that allowed to go down? That reality has got to change
Posted on: Fri, 19 Sep 2014 12:54:59 +0000
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