March 11, 2014 Good morning. First of all I would like to apologize for my behavior the past couple of days. I wish I had an excuse and I suppose it’s a form of “evil” or “stupid” mania but I don’t know for sure. I feel pretty level this morning. Hopefully I will stay that way. I took a long nap yesterday and when I woke up that is when I realized what a dummy I had been. I just said “goodnight” and tried unsuccessfully not to worry about it. I’ve been told that I worry way too much. Well that’s true, I do. I probably need to apologize on my personal profile page but that would probably be overkill and not really appropriate even though I’ve done it before. So, short story long, I apologize for my erratic behavior these past few days even though it is real and the page is supposed to show but I understand it is also, well, dumb. I guess I can’t say anymore about it. I know I will continue to make mistakes since I’m human and all. I’ll just have to deal with them as they come. The time change is really messing me up. All of a sudden I’m up into the wee hours of the morning again. I was kind of enjoying going to bed before midnight. I went ahead and god up this morning even though I barely slept five hours but I’m sure that sounds good to some of you. It’s just I don’t have a problem sleeping anymore. I never really have except for 1998 when I suffered true insomnia and I thought it was so horrible. I had just started my job at Travis County and I had to be at work at 7:30 A.M. I had sometimes had trouble going to sleep as kid because I was always a worrier but I had never experienced ANYTHING like that. Nothing helped either. No Tylenol PM or Valium. That was my first psychotropic prescription. Little did I know I would be taking MANY more. Maybe Klonopin would have worked but I knew nothing about my beloved Klonopin back then. Regardless, it was a terrible experience. My mind is like a stuffed closet. It’s so full and I don’t know what to pull out and I’m afraid of opening the door because then everything might fall out. I have so much in my mind and I’ve really learned, despite my worry, to shove things in the closet. I can have a mind packed of racing thoughts (so I guess the things are moving around in the closet) but I can also learn to tune it out at times. Today is one of those days that other than feeling terrible about my behavior I really don’t have much to say. I know this will be a big topic of discussion with y therapist next week. That and the definition of depression. Much like judgment and bullying I think depression is overused in some circles. If you’ve ever suffered from real life clinical depression then you know it. I had a friend suggest that I was depressed. Well yesterday I was manic I’m not a doctor but I’m pretty sure I was manic. I messaged Justin Bieber for crying out loud. I invited him over for dinner I and told him I would help him not be such a …. Bad guy. Of course isn’t that like the fox teaching the hens about henhouse security? Although in my defense I would NEVER EVER be that disrespectful to anyone much less the prosecution in a deposition. Good grief. And no I don’t know him. Nor do I know anyone famous. I was just all over the place and since I don’t let anyone know I shared them the page grows very slowly. I guess I will work on that. I think I will work on a new picture for the shares. A picture that doesn’t include me. Now for some lighter fare, if you want to call “True Detective” lighter. WOW. I will give no spoilers but if you have HBO and haven’t watched it then unless you are squeamish beyond belief, you should. If you don’t, as soon as it is on DVD you should watch it. It truly might be the best show I have ever seen. And if you like to gamble which I do but am not allowed to I would bet money on Matthew now for the Best Actor in a Drama (or mini-series should HBO go that way) Emmy. It’s about as slam dunk as it gets. And Woody Harrelson should get nominated but if they put him in the Best Supporting Actor category he should win too. He was really just as good. I like the show so much I’m going to go rewatch it so I can understand exactly what I saw. Lol…It’s pretty hard to understand and follow but that’s like “Game of Thrones.” I love it but I probably only can follow 30% of what’s really going on. I’m not kidding. I read a weekly recap and it all makes sense. Oh and did you see where the finale of True Detective overloaded HBO’s servers on HBO Go because so many people were streaming it? Crazy. It was crazy great! Speaking of True Detective the skit on Jimmy Kimmel (who is in Austin this week so you should watch it) about True Detective 2 here in Austin was HILARIOUS!!!!! Anyway, so MM’s character (Rust Cohle) is out there. But it’s now like he was playing himself because he was out there in a not friendly or nice way. He has all the ideas, beliefs and great quotes. I will leave you with one from the final episode that I found very interesting. And I’ll put WH’s (Marty Hart) response which is funny. Rust: Ascendant meat, however illusory our identities are, we craft those identities by making value judgments. Everybody judges all the time. Now, you got a problem with that, youre living wrong. Marty: Whats scented meat? Very Interesting take and very true, no matter how hard we try. Our values are what draw us to each other and also can eventually separate us. The boundaries we set and our ability and willingness or lack thereof to cross those boundaries are what determines our course in life. Once we cross those boundaries and lose sight of our values it is not easy to see past the blurred lines we have created. It’s not impossible to find our way back but we will forever know and we will never forget. That is why our values and our boundaries are so important. Bipolar persons are notorious for crossing boundaries. That is a fact. Well on that note… I will try not to go off the deep end. Hopefully I don’t message Snoop Dog and ask if we can meet up to smoke a bowl. I’ll try to keep my cool today. I don’t have much left so I better save some. Have a wonderful and blessed day. Peace out and God bless.
Posted on: Tue, 11 Mar 2014 15:05:40 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015