Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. I would have never thought how much impact that verse would have on me and comfort me to the depth of my soul. We have lived the last 7 years of our life with my husband Sean traveling. And not like one week a month but the year Kennedy was born he was home 30 days. I have jumped into Home Groups, Bible Studies, The Word, and anything I could get my hands on to not feel completely alone and abandon. Our marriage has been destroyed, renewed and our mighty Lord has more than once picked up the pieces and handed us the glue. Our sitatution has not been easy but we have literally had the greatest community I will ever know. I could never imagined in a million years I would find our family on the precipice of that massive decision we have made. Several years ago my cousin Lauren and her husband Justin came into town to visit Fort Worth Seminary and apply for a ministry that would take them to China. I can remember looking at them and thinking they were absolutely nuts, Lauren, was at the time very pregnant with their first daughter Piper (how unoriginal naming your babies after amazing Baptist Preachers lol). I can recall being wrecked for months at the thought of them leaving all the comforts of home to go and pursue Christ and spread the gospel. I couldnt imagine leaving my comfort even for Him. Last June our friends, The Campbells, left for Germany to again spread the gospel. I was less offended and knew Christ was calling them and they answered. I understood at the time the need to listen to Him and drop everything. They sold everything they owned and I almost cry thinking of the work they are acoomplishing in His name. Then this summer, our best friends, The Lotts endured a very difficult cross country move and in the middle of it I was blessed for the girls to stay here with us. It was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received, because I was able to see how difficult this life really is, the heartbreak this life is capable of. I watched as they FaceTimed each night and over and over again my heart was shattered because I realized how numb the babies and I had become. I saw things I had never seen and God shook me to the core for things that should have broken me but no longer did. In June, Sean received a new position as a completions consultant for Chesapeake Oil and Gas in Ohio. We both truly thought this was it, everything was going to be so very different for our little family. We prepared our hearts and prayed that things would be better. We were so very wrong, how do you undo 7 years of neglet, guilt, shame, and lies? YOU cannot, but He can. So, Seans first trip home was rough but his first time in OHIO was brutal. We fought, we bickered, we hurt each other because Hurt people, Hurt people. Then in one of the most amazing miracles I have been honored enough to see Gods hands in, he broke our hearts and decided to set everything right. He gave us a clean slate. a brand new platform to air out 7 years of what this life had done to us. We cried, screamed, loved, and vowed again to make things right. His time home after that was marked with firsts. Instead of arguements there was laughter, instead of crying there was laughing, and for the first time in a really long time I felt loved and hopeful. He admitted how overwhelmed a life with three kids was and I agreed, Although I may make it look easy, there is never a day I go to bed thinking Parenting nailed it, but you cant let the littles smell fear that outnumber us. His next trip to Ohio was amazing, he sent bible passages, colored pictures, and letters home. We communicated and were able to really start listening to each other and not just hearing one another. This last trip home was the best by far. I watched Daddy pray, cry, laugh, and really invest in three little lives that consider him a hero. He and I were finally on the same page and this whole 30 days on, 10 days off thing was finally going to allow us to be a family. Then we took Daddy to the airport. A rush of emotions flooded our car and everyone except Mommy melted into a pool of tears. I watched as the babies cried and held Daddy begging him not to go. Why are we doing this again. Because each time the conversation comes up our house, all the things we have worked so hard for, all our hopes and dreams, our community, our friends and family always win. Oh, and the money. So, on the way home I swore things would be different. I didnt know how but I was going to change things. Monday Shaw had a very difficult day at school. He came home and usually when Sean asks, Is this because I am out of town I protect him and give him a thousand reasons why its not. Thinking I am sparing him guilt I have only made the situation worse. I answered, It is absolutely because he doesnt have you. A moment passed in silence and we both made the most important decision of our lives in utter silence. I literally could feel Christ holding me, protecting me, comforting me. I have only ever felt so close with him when I had the stroke that almost took Chandler. I knew it was very clear what needed to happen. So, we are going to be a family! I have never been so free or felt more of a burden lifted off of me. I am not supposed to be both roles and though I have taken the reins for so many years, it is not my biblical duty to do so. Let me be very clear in saying we both have never been more sure of anything in our lives. Also, I would like to add that as excited as we are my heart is going to explode because I will never find the type of community we have here, I will never make better friends, we will never find a church like The Village, or know all the joy we have known here. The Stutzman Family will be moving to Ohio. To give up our dream house and all our things will be hard but what lies ahead for us is something we all deeply need. Matt said it best when he said, Sometimes being obdient to Christ is like an all out assault on your hopes and dreams. Except when there is so much more waiting for us in Ohio. Plus, what an amazing justification for cute jackets and boots! We are getting our ducks in a row and this prob wont happen until first of the year. Jesus Christ we praise your name on high! Thank you for so many answered prayers! God is always bigger no matter what your circumstances are. Every single tear filled person we have told has said the same thing, I have never been more happy for yall and sad at the same time. We feel the exact same, our lives have been so impacted by so many and I will totally spring for plane tickets, so, Do you want to build a snowman? Love, The Stutzman Family
Posted on: Fri, 26 Sep 2014 19:34:46 +0000
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