Men’s Lack Of Concern Although women may have an idea in partnership between men and women in which both adapt with relationship skills. And are more interested in pursuing a more pleasurable relationship. Women experience pains and want changes in relationships, than men. To bring about your own personal ideas in your own relationship in order to make it work out. Try to regard the steps you take as an important pioneering work. Every change you bring about in your home, must not have to change your feelings towards each other, because you are impacting greatly into moving into a true partnership with the society. ‘’Think globally, act locally’’ Try to appreciate the little contribution your partner makes in the relationship and try to feel satisfied with your own efforts as well. It is wise that women should be more relationship-oriented than men. Women instead of nagging about the situation take charge of the challenge and use your special female tactics to bring about that positive change you want in your relationship. Men seldom become scholars on the subject of changing their intimate relationships, because they do not yet need to. Women often demand surprisingly little in relationships with men, whether the pending issue is emotional nurturance. We may settle for small change with a lover and tolerate behaviors and living arrangements that we would not find acceptable or deem fair in a close female relationship. Parents, too, may expect less from their sons than from their daughters in the realm of communication and responsible correctedness, while children learn to expect less from their fathers. Until we are able to expect more from men in order to stay with them or continue business as usual, it is unlikely that men will feel called upon to change. In marriage, the gap between men and women in their attunement to relationships often widens dramatically over time. Dad need not notice that little Sam has holes in his sneakers, or even that his mother’s birthday is coming up, if his wife moves in to take up the slack and handle the problem. Nor need he put much emotional energy into his parents’ arrival for an extended visit if his spouse will plan their entertainment or make sure that there is toilet paper is in the house. As long as women function for men, men will have no need to change. Men often feel at a loss about how to become experts on close relationships, although their anxiety may be masked by apathy or disinterest. Many men have been raised by fathers who were most conspicuous by their emotional or physical absence, and by omnipresent mothers whose very “feminine” qualities and traits they, as males, were taught to repudiate in themselves. The old definition of “family” hardly provided a good training ground for developing a clear male self in the context of emotional connectedness to others. Men tend to distance from a partner when the going gets rough, rather than to hang in and struggle for change. Finally- and perhaps most significantly- males are not rewarded for investing in the emotional component of human relationships. There’s a popular joke about the psychoanalyst’s son who reports that he wants to be “a patient” when he grows up. “That way,” the small boy explains, “I’ll get to see my father five times a week!” Such jokes are told with barely disguised pride, not with apology, by men who are truly dedicated to their work. Let’s face it, fame and glory do not come to men who strive to keep their lives in balance and who refuse to neglect their important relationships. The rewards in doing so can only be private ones. I believe that for both women and men the most significant area of learning is that of understanding and enhancing our intimate relationships with our friends, lovers, and kin. All of us develop through our emotional connectedness to others, and we continue to need close relationships throughout our lives. Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others. When we distance from significant others or pretend we don’t need people, we get in trouble. Similarly, we get in trouble when a relationship begins to go badly and we ignore it or put no energy into generating new options for change. Fortunately it is never too late to learn to move differently in our key relationships. While in the short the changes we make and the initial reactions we evoke may leave us feeling scared, frustrated, angry, and very separate, like many things in life it’s a matter of sitting with short-term anxiety for long-term gain. It’s not about what you have done, but what you doing that matters
Posted on: Thu, 06 Jun 2013 08:36:03 +0000
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