Monday Muse My daughter and I have a tradition - whenever she comes over we watch Jeremy Kyle; when she was at school and a teenager it was Judge Judy after school; we would sit, have a coffee and download the day. Last night we had delicious roast pork (no, I did not cook it, Marco Polo Roast does it beautifully) and found an episode of Jeremy that we had not watched. It was an interesting one in that the Son of 22 had bought his mother to the show to try and get his relationship with her back on track; Mother had a 23 year old boyfriend and was trying to say she had changed her life. The thing both Elaine and I noticed was that the Mother was not listening to her son; he did not care that she had a younger boyfriend; he understood why she split with his Father but needed resolution with her on some stuff. All she could do was talk over him (yes I know that is what talk shows are about) and all she could say was that she had changed her life, she was a different person, so accept that and let’s move on. I thought for a moment – she is not listening, she is so intent on getting her point across, so intent on being heard that she was losing a wonderful opportunity to reconcile with her son. He challenged her over something or other; and she said that her other children had accepted everything why couldn’t he? He just said – listen to me and I will tell you. But of course she kept talking. So I got to musing and thinking about how often we listen, really listen to someone else? That we listen to their story, what they have to say uninterrupted; without layering our point of view, our needs, our wants before the story is even told. And even if we do listen to the end of the story, do we acknowledge what we have heard, and acknowledge that this is that person’s truth and we honour that? Or do we tell them what to do; what we would do, what our opinion is, and what our truth is? And then do we push that truth forward wanting the other person to take it on board? The person may ask for an opinion or advice. But they may just need to be heard. It is important to allow someone to tell their story, because in telling us, uninterrupted they will hear themselves, and will gain clarity and direction simply from being able to download and sort it out in their head whilst talking. Of course some people bang on and on; and you hear the same story time and time again, and the person never makes a change; they keep complaining about how sad and difficult life is, and they cannot do anything about it. Listen once, perhaps listen twice but the third time point out that you have heard it all before and until they make those changes you are not interested; or simply make an excuse and walk away. Because the art of listening is just that – it is an art form. To know when to let someone talk the night away because you know they will find their own solution in the words – you are a sounding board; to know when to add to the conversation; to know when to have healthy debate and agree to disagree; to know when what you are listening to is not worth your time. Listening is part of our spiritual learning. Judge Judy says God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason. How true. And Wyrdsisters has a motto: Be still, listen to the silence, and let your soul catch up. How many of you have not listened to the silence lately? Are you finding that life is so busy, that you feel quite disconnected sometimes, and always seem to be playing catch up emotionally, physically and spiritually? All it takes it five minutes silence – longer if you can. No playing music through ear plugs, not with the television on in the background. But simple silence. That does not mean no sound – because when I sit in silence the birds are singing, there are people doing stuff at houses around me, some traffic noise – they are the sounds of my world, my neighbourhood, my home. Taking 5 minutes lets your soul catch up – and when it does you have more focus for what you have to do next. So often I hear people say they need to pay attention to their spirituality, you can do it every day, in this very simple way – listening to the world around you; listening to people, to the rhythms of our daily lives… and when we listen that leads to observing, and when we observe that leads to feelings, intuition and being connected. Blessings Jackie
Posted on: Sun, 09 Nov 2014 22:26:42 +0000
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