More Thanksgiving, less Worrying, and Waiting on Peace. Yesterday I received my results from my bone marrow biopsy and blood tests. Today, I am practicing not worrying about the less than perfect results I received and I am being thankful for the good news I DID receive. Being thankful in the midst of a crisis is hard. Really hard. So many people quote Philippians 4: 6-7 in times of stress and anxiety. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Powerful words. Important words. HARD words to pit into action. But, the reward is great: a peace of mind and peace of heart so wonderful that it defies all description. I WANT that! My results: My bone marrow biopsy was clear; I exhibit no sign of the cancer within the bone marrow. Good news! My myeloma levels in my blood are continuing to drop since my high dose chemotherapy and stem cell transplant. Good news! However, my myeloma blood levels (papaprotein levels- also called an M spike) are not at a 0. I desperately wanted to hear that I had a 0 paraprotein level. Instead, my level is .7. I worry my levels wont continue to drop. I worry that this disease will get worse. I worry that I wont be around for my family. My physicians assistant told me I would be labeled near complete remission. Good news! He said that my level is not a threat to my health right now. Good news! The best option after treatment is total stringent response. Im praying that I can get into that category. The doctors want me to begin my pre-stem cell transplant course of treatment again. So, next week, I will begin making twice weekly trips to Emory to receive Velcade shots. (think of it as a mild chemo drug even though it is a different kind of drug). Ill also take two pills during this treatment phase. Because I am back to work (yay, another thanksgiving!) Ill try to juggle these appointments by hopefully scheduling them super early in the morning. Ill also be drinking lots of coffee (yay, I LOVE coffee!) to help me battle the fatigue that comes with treatment. I grieved yesterday and still am grieving my less than perfect news. But, today, I am PRACTICING (Im not very good at it yet) letting go of my worries about the future and I am remembering to give thanks to God for the good news that I did receive. Giving thanks during this time is hard. Ive tackled hard things in my life before: being picked on in middle school because I didnt wear the right clothes and had weird hair (such small things can hurt so deeply- so I now caution my children to be kind to everyone); having two parents who were sick throughout my childhood (God brought us through those sick times and my parents are fairly healthy now!); being hit by a truck while a pedestrian (did that TWICE- but survived with no real lasting injuries that I know of); mishandling my mothers cancer diagnosis while I was in college (I was in denial - she is healthy now by the way!); suffering through a high-paying yet soul-draining job as a young attorney and young mother; quitting that soul-draining job and being forced to sell our house that we built in the city and moving to a place in the suburbs where I knew no one (now because of that move we are connected to a wonderful school and church communities. We would not have those connections if I stayed at my old job and lived in the city); being totally clueless about my professional path (finally found my niche!) bringing two precious souls through infancies laced with acid reflux, low weight gains, and terrible colic (those babies are now healthy, smart, and loving children); losing my grandmother (and yet, I feel surrounded by her love); almost losing our house during the time I was not working and was at home with our two babies (our house is safe now) and; surviving difficult periods in my marriage (my hubby and I practice patience and forgiveness every day- I am lucky to have him by my side). As I look back through my life, I see so many obstacles that I thought I could not overcome. But here I am on the opposite side of those obstacles and I see God was working with me (working on me?) during each of those difficult periods. I see the goodness that resulted from each of those time periods. So, even though it is hard to give thanks when I did not receive perfect news from the doctor, I am remembering that God got me through so many past obstacles. And, in remembering, I am giving thanks for those past triumphs. And those thanksgivings help me to be thankful for the GOOD news I DID receive yesterday: my levels are dropping; I am relatively healthy; and I have very knowledgeable medical professionals who are optimistic. God was present in my past and I overcame obstacles; God is present now. I still have worries. But the process of giving thanks for the triumphs of the past has helped me gain a bit of peace. So, Ill continue to give thanks. I will continue to pray for continuing good news, and I will accept the peace that comes. Thank you for walking on this journey with me.
Posted on: Wed, 22 Oct 2014 15:36:17 +0000
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