Mum question:I have a beautiful, kind and loving 8 year old son. He lives with his father 500km away. It has been this way since he was 3. I had him when I was 25 and suffered extreme and debilitating PND for 2 years after he was born. I was treated and hospitalised several times. Without going too deeply into why I feel I became like this, I had a very sad and dark childhood, without parents who loved me, without safety and without any sort of stability in my life. My son screamed constantly (probably due to my unrelenting anxiety and deep depression). He did not sleep longer than a 3 hour stretch (that was a good sleep) until he was 18 months old. He was constantly overtired, what they say a very high needs baby, requiring constant entertainment, never just sitting still in a pram or in the car, and eventually diagnosed with sensory processing disorder and Aspergers. I was struggling and constantly wishing death upon myself. After many years I have since recovered and remarried an amazing man. He would like to have children and I think I would too, however, I am extremely traumatised from how difficult it was with my first. I am exceptionally fearful of getting PND again, it has a very strong genetic trail throughout my family and I have been told I am highly likely to have PND again. I am absolutely terrified. Should I have another child knowing the risk? I dont want to ruin my marriage. I dont want to destroy my carefully repaired sanity. I feel I am so tainted by the misery that was the first few years, all I see around me are very unhappy mothers with screaming children. I never see mothers that are happy. They just look exhausted and miserable and I dont want to go back to that. I am so confused. Pinky says: Hugs - what a tough and confusing choice. Have you talked about your fears to your partner? You need to feel safe and enjoy the life you have now -you have been through an incredibly traumatic and painful journey. Could you get a GP referral to a psychologist to help you through the fear and support you with whatever choice you make eventually? This has to be your choice based on everything you know and feel about yourself and your health carers information re your potential risks. Although you have a wonderful husband now, this is something you need to communicate to him, perhaps have your psychiatrist (I assume you have one) or counsellor speak with him and explain the illness and potential effects, how much support you will need if you do go ahead , what he needs to look out for, what supports you can put in place throughout your pregnancy so it will be stress-free and what support can be organised if you have a baby. He really needs to honestly know the risks and be prepared to care for you if he wants a child. He also needs to support whatever decision you make because if it is too hard for you to go there then that is the best choice for you both.
Posted on: Wed, 20 Aug 2014 12:52:51 +0000
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